The last of my dessert series and I am not sure if I am happy or sad. I can't begin to tell you how much I don't want to see another stick of butter, cups of powder sugar, whole eggs, broken eggs, egg whites or egg yolk - all to satisfy my curiosity. Oh and cocoa powder to -I think that I have a fine layer of it throughout my entire kitchen.
So Day 12 was in French a Buche de Noel; in English a Yule log. It consist of a very airy cake that is rolled with cocoa butter cream inside and then covered with the remaining butter cream to "look" like a log. I started with the butter cream....simple enough. Get into the fridge to chill - no worries. On to the "log" or cake. It calls for a jelly roll pan of which I don't have so I decide to substitute for a shallow cookie sheet. In my mind this should be fine and I am pretty impressed with my ability to think on the fly. Cake requires two steps: whipped egg whites and then fold in the other cocoa cake mixture. Yup, I am getting this down to a science and I am cleaning the kitchen as I go with this recipe. It is a well orchestrated ballet of mixing and cleaning!!! So the cake part is mixed and I gently lay the mixture on the parchment lined cookie sheet. Into the oven for 15-20 minutes at 375 degrees OR when it lightly springs back.......hhhmmm - ok.
I need to point out - the recipe NEVER indicates that the cake will grow.....and grow some more. This is when it becomes quite clear that the shallow cookie sheet was not a good idea. As I am sitting on the step stool staring into the oven - I keep praying to the dear departed soul of Julia Child......"Please have mercy on me and let me cake stop before it grows out of the cookie sheet and burns onto the bottom of my oven." I threw some salt over my shoulder for good luck - threw in a few Hail Mary's, the Lord's Prayer, and for good measure I turned toward Mecca just in case. THANK-YOU JESUS.....it stopped growing as it reached the end of the parchment paper. Whew....catastrophe averted. Cake appears to "spring back to the touch" so I pull it out of the oven.
Now the recipe states that you have to take a knife and go around the edges of the cake and then turn it out onto a powder sugar dusted towel. Hhhmmm - ok.....I get a knife go around the edges. Lay out a clean towel and dust it with powder sugar. I flip the cake out onto the towel and it was like flipping a 12 egg omelet with a spork. Yup you guessed it...it broke....I quickly piece it back together, but not before I leave a layer stuck to the towel and then notice that the cake IS NOT cooked in the middle. CRAP - I am pretty dang sure this is not right. But I rally on....I get the short end of the cake and begin to roll it. It kinda rolls and I try to shape it as I go. Here is where I get the brilliant idea that once I get it rolled - I will just put in back in the oven for about 5 minutes and it will finish cooking. Not so much - I started to deflate so I pulled it out of the oven because the whole goal was to cool the rolled cake and then unroll it so that you add cover it with butter cream and then re-roll before icing it. So I let it cool for about 45 minutes.
As the cake is cooling and I am lamenting how to get the butter cream into the middle - Mason has a brilliant idea.....use the meat injector. It has a long syringe. EXCELLENT!!! I will inject the butter cream into the cake - it will be perfect. Cake is cooled and I have the meat injector syringe in hand and ready to insert into the butter cream.
I get some butter cream into the syringe and as I inject it into the cake - it blows out the other side of the cake. Must have been a one-time error. So I try again..this time the plunger part of syringe gets too much air into it and it blows out the bottom on to the counter top. Hhhmm - I am sure that the third time will be the charm.....Nope; not so much.....syringe in cake and sure as shit - it blows butter cream through the cake and onto the stove top and this time leaves a nice size hole in the cake. I am now bound and determined to finish this dang cake when Chris walks into the kitchen and promptly says, "It looks like you are trying to decorate a dog turd with diarrhea." I thought that I was going to pee my pants laughing. It did look like a dog turd and where the butter cream had blown out looked like diarrhea.
Even a stupid rat knows when to jump off a sinking ship so I abandoned the butter cream and I decorate my dog turd cake. Add coconut for snow, red and green sprinkles so they look like holly berries and run a fork through the icing to make it look like bark on a tree. Iced and decorated gave the illusion that it was good, but I know underneath the icing it was a bloody mess. I was afraid to eat it - went to my mom's to watch the Cowboys game instead.
So this morning with a cup of coffee in hand - I decide that I would try the buche de noel. I slice into and amazingly..... it has not changed. It still looks, well...bad. I decide that a small bite might be in order and Grayson decides to jump into fray and try it too because "it looks pretty." So on the count of three, we both take bites and before I could count to five - we are both spitting it out. At least Grayson made it to the trash - I spit mine in the sink. It was bad - too much chocolate, too raw, and too horrible. I am confident that I will not be trying this recipe again.
I have to be honest I did have fun over the last 12 days and I hoped you enjoyed it too. And to recap:
Day One - Pineapple Cranberry Upside-down Cake
Day Two - Napoleons
Day Three - Peppermint Meltaways
Day Four - Peanut Brittle
Day Five - Polish Honey Cake
Day Six - Chocolate Biscotti
Day Seven - Buckeyes
Day Eight - Ginger Tea Cakes with Lemon Glaze
Day Nine - Egg Nog Pie
Day Ten - Chocolate Truffles
Day Eleven - Divinity
Day Twelve - Buche de Noel
I know this sounds crazy, but I am taking suggestions as to what I should go for the next twelve days so send me your ideas. For right now, I will try Christmas Cocktails and the first one should be called a "Christmas Colonic." I will take my on the rocks!!!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Day 11: Cirque de Soleil, Meteorologist, and Wine - It Must be Divinity
Clear blue sky this morning and low humidity - it must be THE day to make divinity. Horror stories abound about Divinity and I hope that most of them are exaggerated folklore. My Grandma Duncan said, "Never make Divinity on a cloudy day." My mom told me, "Good luck, I have never been able to make it." Yikes.......I may be in trouble because my mom is a great cook and makes great pastries and candies. I loved Christmas growing up since we had all kinds of neat to eat treats at our house. But just to be sure I ran to the window one more time - yup - still no clouds.....must be good to go.
The deal with this recipe is that there are not many ingredients; however, it requires the same amount of precision timing as the Marine Drum and Bugle Corps. Ooorah!!! Sugar, corn syrup, water in a pan on the stove. Stir once to dissolve the sugar and DON'T stir again until the temperature reaches 250 degrees. The recipe was very specific...don't stir - I didn't. While the sugar concoctions were turning into molten lava. I need to beat 3 egg white to stiff peaks. Egg whites beating on the counter.....lava boiling on the stove. I move between the two like a frantic animal trying to gnaw through a trap. 220, 225, 230, 240.....244....holding.........246.....eggs white stiff and I am trying not to breathe on them lest they fall. Finally 250.......pull off the heat and pour slowly into the egg whites while whipping them on high. Does this make sense to anyone - take a chance to fling hot syrup on yourself with a mixer on high?!?!?! It is a point to ponder.
So with the grace of a cirque de soleil performer....I pure a slow steady stream of the syrup into the egg white and this is when panic set in......the recipe clearly did not say that the volume of the egg whites would increase ten fold. The stuff just kept growing and I thought for sure that it was going to overflow, but it stopped short of the tip top. Suppose to whip until the "shine" is gone. Hhhmmmm.....what the hell does that mean......I guess it was shiny, but it wasn't shiny like blinding shiny - I would saw that it was more glistening. The recipe said about 5 minutes. I was not convinced that the shine was gone so I went for 2 more minutes. Add in pecans and the fun begins.
Two spoons are required and I think I should have used teaspoons, but I used tablespoons. Use one spoon to scoop up the mixture and use the other spoon to push the mixture on to a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. They are suppose to look like a soft swirl of ice cream. At this point I do begin to laugh and as you can tell by the photo that I posted mine look more like either white octopus or white Rorschach blobs. I am convenience the "soft swirl ice cream" look must come from years of practice and should not be tried by a novice like me. I was a sticky, gunky mess when I was done with trays on every flat surface of my kitchen. Hhhmmm - not sure that this will work, but the recipe reads - let them cool completely. After 2 hours, the blobs were only a little less sticky so I decided to put the trays into the fridge. They are on every level of the fridge in the kitchen and in the fridge in the garage. After 2 more hours, I could finally peel one off.
I think it tastes right, but I made the mistake of laying it down on the counter for minute and the dang thing stuck right to the counter.....I mean immediately stuck to the counter. Blob peeled off and in the words of my daughter Gray, "It's like eating really sweet laffy taffy." Mason tried to eat one, but in his words, "I could only get a small piece to lift off the paper." Not really good reviews from the major food consumers at my house. To eat my finished product will probably require spoons which is clearly not listed in the recipe.
When a recipe requires you to know be a meteorologist - it should be a huge red flag. There is an old wives tale for sailors: "Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning; Red sky at night, sailors delight."
Here is mine for Divinity; "Clear sky in the morning; divinity makers should be pouring......a red glass of wine while ordering (it online); Red sky at night, still drinking-now that's a delight!!!"
The deal with this recipe is that there are not many ingredients; however, it requires the same amount of precision timing as the Marine Drum and Bugle Corps. Ooorah!!! Sugar, corn syrup, water in a pan on the stove. Stir once to dissolve the sugar and DON'T stir again until the temperature reaches 250 degrees. The recipe was very specific...don't stir - I didn't. While the sugar concoctions were turning into molten lava. I need to beat 3 egg white to stiff peaks. Egg whites beating on the counter.....lava boiling on the stove. I move between the two like a frantic animal trying to gnaw through a trap. 220, 225, 230, 240.....244....holding.........246.....eggs white stiff and I am trying not to breathe on them lest they fall. Finally 250.......pull off the heat and pour slowly into the egg whites while whipping them on high. Does this make sense to anyone - take a chance to fling hot syrup on yourself with a mixer on high?!?!?! It is a point to ponder.
So with the grace of a cirque de soleil performer....I pure a slow steady stream of the syrup into the egg white and this is when panic set in......the recipe clearly did not say that the volume of the egg whites would increase ten fold. The stuff just kept growing and I thought for sure that it was going to overflow, but it stopped short of the tip top. Suppose to whip until the "shine" is gone. Hhhmmmm.....what the hell does that mean......I guess it was shiny, but it wasn't shiny like blinding shiny - I would saw that it was more glistening. The recipe said about 5 minutes. I was not convinced that the shine was gone so I went for 2 more minutes. Add in pecans and the fun begins.
Two spoons are required and I think I should have used teaspoons, but I used tablespoons. Use one spoon to scoop up the mixture and use the other spoon to push the mixture on to a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. They are suppose to look like a soft swirl of ice cream. At this point I do begin to laugh and as you can tell by the photo that I posted mine look more like either white octopus or white Rorschach blobs. I am convenience the "soft swirl ice cream" look must come from years of practice and should not be tried by a novice like me. I was a sticky, gunky mess when I was done with trays on every flat surface of my kitchen. Hhhmmm - not sure that this will work, but the recipe reads - let them cool completely. After 2 hours, the blobs were only a little less sticky so I decided to put the trays into the fridge. They are on every level of the fridge in the kitchen and in the fridge in the garage. After 2 more hours, I could finally peel one off.
I think it tastes right, but I made the mistake of laying it down on the counter for minute and the dang thing stuck right to the counter.....I mean immediately stuck to the counter. Blob peeled off and in the words of my daughter Gray, "It's like eating really sweet laffy taffy." Mason tried to eat one, but in his words, "I could only get a small piece to lift off the paper." Not really good reviews from the major food consumers at my house. To eat my finished product will probably require spoons which is clearly not listed in the recipe.
When a recipe requires you to know be a meteorologist - it should be a huge red flag. There is an old wives tale for sailors: "Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning; Red sky at night, sailors delight."
Here is mine for Divinity; "Clear sky in the morning; divinity makers should be pouring......a red glass of wine while ordering (it online); Red sky at night, still drinking-now that's a delight!!!"
Day 10: Gilligan's Island, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and Chocolate Truffles
I had a couple of things that I had to do yesterday so I didn't start this recipe until late afternoon and of course not reading the entire recipe ahead of time.....I didn't finish until after 8pm last night. In from running errands and it was little chilly in the house so instead of cooking with an apron - I cooked wearing my fur vest. Image: Lovey Howell from Gilligan's Island cooking.......OK, maybe not :D First, you have to chop 8 ounces of chocolate......I felt like Charlie from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory because each 1 ounce of the chocolate was wrapped in gold foil so as I chopped chocolate, I couldn't help, but sing "I've got a golden ticket...". Chocolate chopped and 1 cup of simmering heavy cream added and you get let it be in the bowl for 10 minutes. Stir until melted and mixture has to set at room temperature for an hour THEN you have to stir and whip the mixture until it thickens. THEN you spread it out on a cookie sheet and let it set-up for 2 hours......hhhhmmmm. (Well, during that time I started watching a movie with the family (Akeelah and the Bee) which I had never seen before. If you have never seen it - great flick.) So I was delayed when I started scooping and rolling the chocolate. The recipe indicated that you should scoop the chocolate with a melon scoop, but alas I don't own a melon scoop so I use a baby spoon. Worked like a champ.
It is a bit messy rolling the chocolate because they start to soften under the heat of your hands. Once rolled - I had chopped some slivered almonds, chocolate sprinkles, and coconut to roll the chocolate in - into the "dusting ingredients" and plop onto parchment paper. The recipe called for rolling them in cocoa powder, but I don't care that taste so I substituted with the above. Back into the fridge for them to re-firm. Done - spit spot.
They are very rich and those rolled in almonds are probably my favorite - the almonds cut a little bit of the chocolate. For those of you who love chocolate - you will love the ones rolled in chocolate sprinkles. Oh Heaven next is Day 11.....
It is a bit messy rolling the chocolate because they start to soften under the heat of your hands. Once rolled - I had chopped some slivered almonds, chocolate sprinkles, and coconut to roll the chocolate in - into the "dusting ingredients" and plop onto parchment paper. The recipe called for rolling them in cocoa powder, but I don't care that taste so I substituted with the above. Back into the fridge for them to re-firm. Done - spit spot.
They are very rich and those rolled in almonds are probably my favorite - the almonds cut a little bit of the chocolate. For those of you who love chocolate - you will love the ones rolled in chocolate sprinkles. Oh Heaven next is Day 11.....
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Day 9: Eggs minus the Nog, a Bain-Marie, and a GPS
I want to give you some insight to me and these recipes - I only scan the recipes to see what I might additionally need from the grocery. I don't read them thoroughly as I don't want to have any pre-conceived notions of how it may or may not turn out. I came as quite a surprise that I was going to make Egg Nog Pie and there was not a drop of egg nog in the whole dang recipe. REALLY?!?!? Because when I was at the grocery over the weekend knowing that I was going to make egg nog pie this week - I bought 3 cartons of egg nog - knowing that I would need at least one to make this recipe. Now I can open up an egg nog stand - I have so much in the fridge. I mean its not like I can pour it over my Frosted Flakes....well I guess I could, but I am not going to. I also didn't realize that I would be making a custard pie or baking it in a bain-marie (translated from French = Mary's bath or in English = water bath). Surprise!!! Well, well, well....won't this be fun.
First a pie crust....needs to be about a 12 inch round for a 9 inch pie pan. Pie crust rolled and fluted. I lightly poked the bottom with a fork and baked the crust for about 5 minutes because I was afraid that if I added custard ingredients to an unbaked pie crust that it might not get cooked so into the oven for 5 minutes at 325 degrees. On to the "guts" of the pie.
Sugar and 4 eggs creamed together. Dry ingredients stayed dry until I needed them - of course the only dry ingredient that I needed for the "guts" was salt. Not too hard to jack that up :D But oops I spoke too soon......now on my way to the grocery.......when I "scanned" the recipe I thought it called for condensed mik.....nope....it calls for evaporated milk. CRAP....and the grocery was busy today. So I get two cans of evaporated milk and out the door headed for home.
Only one problem....can't find my car. I became one of those people who I sit in my car and dog because they can't find their damn car. Where the hell is my car...I say it out loud and a lady loading her truck says to me, "Just click your key fob.....that's what I do." I said, "Honey, I drive a 1998 paid off POS (Piece of Sh*t) that doesn't have a fob." She went back to loading her trunk and I wander over two more rows til I found my car. Imagine that....it was exactly were I left it.
Back home, evaporated milk and water added. I put the pie tin into a large glass casserole dish because remember, I am going to bake this in a bain-marie. Pour the liquid "guts" into my pre-kinda baked pie crust - whew - just fit (it was a deep dish pie tin.) Sprinkle with nutmeg and cinnamon. Now pour about 1/2 inch of water into the bottom of the glass dish. Move it all very, very, very careful to the oven. Liquid guts are sloshing and the water in the bottom of the glass is sloshing, but I get into the oven. Bake for 55 minutes. Insert a knife, if it comes out clean - it is done. It's done. Cool, cut and by golly it tastes like egg nog in a pie crust. If you don't like the texture of custard - this recipe is not for you. Chris said the flavor is good, but he does not like custard so he likes the crust a lot.
To recap today: sweetened condensed milk is not the same as evaporated milk; an egg nog pie doesn't need to have egg nog in it to taste like it; and people who lose their car at the grocery - well....those types are kinda quirky. Tomorrow Day 10.
First a pie crust....needs to be about a 12 inch round for a 9 inch pie pan. Pie crust rolled and fluted. I lightly poked the bottom with a fork and baked the crust for about 5 minutes because I was afraid that if I added custard ingredients to an unbaked pie crust that it might not get cooked so into the oven for 5 minutes at 325 degrees. On to the "guts" of the pie.
Sugar and 4 eggs creamed together. Dry ingredients stayed dry until I needed them - of course the only dry ingredient that I needed for the "guts" was salt. Not too hard to jack that up :D But oops I spoke too soon......now on my way to the grocery.......when I "scanned" the recipe I thought it called for condensed mik.....nope....it calls for evaporated milk. CRAP....and the grocery was busy today. So I get two cans of evaporated milk and out the door headed for home.
Only one problem....can't find my car. I became one of those people who I sit in my car and dog because they can't find their damn car. Where the hell is my car...I say it out loud and a lady loading her truck says to me, "Just click your key fob.....that's what I do." I said, "Honey, I drive a 1998 paid off POS (Piece of Sh*t) that doesn't have a fob." She went back to loading her trunk and I wander over two more rows til I found my car. Imagine that....it was exactly were I left it.
Back home, evaporated milk and water added. I put the pie tin into a large glass casserole dish because remember, I am going to bake this in a bain-marie. Pour the liquid "guts" into my pre-kinda baked pie crust - whew - just fit (it was a deep dish pie tin.) Sprinkle with nutmeg and cinnamon. Now pour about 1/2 inch of water into the bottom of the glass dish. Move it all very, very, very careful to the oven. Liquid guts are sloshing and the water in the bottom of the glass is sloshing, but I get into the oven. Bake for 55 minutes. Insert a knife, if it comes out clean - it is done. It's done. Cool, cut and by golly it tastes like egg nog in a pie crust. If you don't like the texture of custard - this recipe is not for you. Chris said the flavor is good, but he does not like custard so he likes the crust a lot.
To recap today: sweetened condensed milk is not the same as evaporated milk; an egg nog pie doesn't need to have egg nog in it to taste like it; and people who lose their car at the grocery - well....those types are kinda quirky. Tomorrow Day 10.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Day 8: Four Lessons and Ginger Tea Cakes
Today starts out with basic kitchen lessons (which I seemed to have forgotten). When in the kitchen:
1. Remember that metal does NOT go in the microwave. It wasn't like this was the first time that I have used a microwave, but just spaced out this fundamental fact. I needed to soften the butter so I decided to unwrap it and leave it on the wrapper and the next thing I knew - the microwave was sparking and arching and it needed my immediate attention. I am surprised that I didn't blow up the microwave. Sshhheesshh
2. Again - dry ingredients don't get creamed in with butter and sugar (you know that I did this a few days ago). I threw caution to the wind and just left the dry ingredients and moved forward with the recipe.
3. Buttermilk tastes like horrible. I had never tried buttermilk before so I "manned-up" and took a swig. Oh my gosh....it tastes absolutely horrible. I remember Chris' grandma used to like to drink buttermilk over ice. EGADS....how in the world did she drink it?!?!?! I think there is still a film covering my tongue.
4. When taking pictures of your dessert, use both hands. Uh, when you don't, your iPhone ends up landing on top of the desserts. Next thing you know, I am licking the glaze off my phone - smoothing out the dessert tops again and taking a new photo....using both hands. Phone is still sticky, but I am tired of trying to lick off the lemon glaze.
I have to start off by giving kudos to the recipe. It was suppose make 24 tea cakes...mine made 23 tea cakes. YEAH!!!
As noted above, I added the dry ingredients with the sugar. Added the butter; Kitchen-aid locked....mix, scrap down the sides and the bottom (since I have the stuff sorta stuck to the bottom). Suppose to add eggs one at a time - nope that didn't happen either. Add both eggs and the extra egg yolk all at once. Another caution thrown to the wind. Next buttermilk.
[Side bar] I was not going to buy a carton of buttermilk when I only needed a couple of tablespoons. What did I do??? Off to the baking aisle. Did you know you can buy dried buttermilk??? Me either.
Buttermilk "made" and added to the mixture. Kitchen-aid locked and ready to mix for 2 minutes. Done. Mixture - nice and creamy. And I might add - tasty. I have never really been a ginger fan. Who would have thought that ginger would taste so good??? Into the oven for 12-15 minutes at 325 degrees. I went with 14 minutes. Insert toothpick to make sure they were done. Toothpick came out clean. Pull them out of the oven and let them cool completely. Glaze was easy. Powdered sugar, water, and, lemon juice. Gray helped with icing the tea cakes - thanks Gray!!!
Here is the good thing about this dessert: just the right amount of ginger, just the right amount of lemon, just the right size and just a couple of missteps in the kitchen today.
1. Remember that metal does NOT go in the microwave. It wasn't like this was the first time that I have used a microwave, but just spaced out this fundamental fact. I needed to soften the butter so I decided to unwrap it and leave it on the wrapper and the next thing I knew - the microwave was sparking and arching and it needed my immediate attention. I am surprised that I didn't blow up the microwave. Sshhheesshh
2. Again - dry ingredients don't get creamed in with butter and sugar (you know that I did this a few days ago). I threw caution to the wind and just left the dry ingredients and moved forward with the recipe.
3. Buttermilk tastes like horrible. I had never tried buttermilk before so I "manned-up" and took a swig. Oh my gosh....it tastes absolutely horrible. I remember Chris' grandma used to like to drink buttermilk over ice. EGADS....how in the world did she drink it?!?!?! I think there is still a film covering my tongue.
4. When taking pictures of your dessert, use both hands. Uh, when you don't, your iPhone ends up landing on top of the desserts. Next thing you know, I am licking the glaze off my phone - smoothing out the dessert tops again and taking a new photo....using both hands. Phone is still sticky, but I am tired of trying to lick off the lemon glaze.
I have to start off by giving kudos to the recipe. It was suppose make 24 tea cakes...mine made 23 tea cakes. YEAH!!!
As noted above, I added the dry ingredients with the sugar. Added the butter; Kitchen-aid locked....mix, scrap down the sides and the bottom (since I have the stuff sorta stuck to the bottom). Suppose to add eggs one at a time - nope that didn't happen either. Add both eggs and the extra egg yolk all at once. Another caution thrown to the wind. Next buttermilk.
[Side bar] I was not going to buy a carton of buttermilk when I only needed a couple of tablespoons. What did I do??? Off to the baking aisle. Did you know you can buy dried buttermilk??? Me either.
Buttermilk "made" and added to the mixture. Kitchen-aid locked and ready to mix for 2 minutes. Done. Mixture - nice and creamy. And I might add - tasty. I have never really been a ginger fan. Who would have thought that ginger would taste so good??? Into the oven for 12-15 minutes at 325 degrees. I went with 14 minutes. Insert toothpick to make sure they were done. Toothpick came out clean. Pull them out of the oven and let them cool completely. Glaze was easy. Powdered sugar, water, and, lemon juice. Gray helped with icing the tea cakes - thanks Gray!!!
Here is the good thing about this dessert: just the right amount of ginger, just the right amount of lemon, just the right size and just a couple of missteps in the kitchen today.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Day 7: Chilled Balls, Chilled Chocolate, and a History Lesson
So far this has been the easiest recipe and if you are a peanut butter lover then this your day and recipe. Oh I almost forgot to tell you, for the next 6 days I am doing something different. The first six days I mixed everything by hand - the old-fashioned way. Beginning today, I used the kitchen-aid to mix the recipes. A heck of a lot easier and quicker. Thank goodness for modern conveniences and shout out to whoever spent the time and effort to create the modern mixer.
The recipe........a lot powdered sugar; a little bit of salt; a lot of creamy peanut butter; a little bit of butter....cream together and then roll into balls. Now here again, I have a "beef" with the amount the recipe makes - this recipe indicated that it would make 76 balls; when I finished mine made 34. Now I probably could have stretched the recipe, but after rolling about 20 - the balls started getting bigger and bigger because I just wanted to be done. All balls rolled; placed on cookie sheets lined with parchment paper and into the fridge for 30-60 minutes for the peanut butter to harden. I checked them at 30 minutes - not that they really looked any different from when I put them in their initially, but I really wanted to do the crossword puzzle so I let them chill for another 30 minutes. Crossword puzzle done - time to check on the chilled peanut butter. They still looked the same...only colder. Okay chilled balls and now onto the chocolate.
Another easy step. One bag of semi-sweet chocolate morsels and 2 tablespoons of oil - pop into the microwave and check about every 30 seconds. Stir, another 30 seconds, stir until completely melted. Cookie sheets pulled out of the fridge and ready to dip. This is where rolling the balls into "small" balls pays off. You have to poke a toothpick into the balls to dip and roll about in the chocolate - about 3/4 of the ball. Let the excess chocolate drip off and place them back on the parchment paper. So I should have made all the balls kinda, sorta small since when rolling and dipping them into the chocolate they become heavier and have a tendencies to start to pop off the toothpick. I had a couple that popped off the toothpick and became completely covered in chocolate. In an effort to have visually, uniform dessert - I ate those.....well, I couldn't feed them to the dog. Everyone knows that chocolate is lethal to dogs. I would like to say that they tasted bad, but I would be lying.
[Insert a little bit of useless information] The finished candy is suppose to resemble a buckeye which is the state tree of Ohio that produces a nut that is poisonous unless heated and leached. Native Americans gave it the name as it resembled the eye of a buck deer. Okay enough with history lesson. Thank you, Mr. Kohlenbrander and Mr. Crawford for my history lessons in high school.
All balls 3/4 covered in chocolate. Then you have to cover up the toothpick holes. Hhhmmm........really?!?!? Can't hold the candy to press closed the toothpick holes as the chocolate is still wet. So I decided to wet my index finger and smoothed out the hole.....that tip wasn't even in the recipe. That was all Donna!!! Into the fridge for the chocolate to harden about an hour. Arrange them on a plate and take a photo.
A bit of an uneventful day in the kitchen except that until about an hour ago - I realized that I had powder sugar down the front of my jeans. I guess from when I was cleaning up. Not to worry.....I called out for Chinese tonight. I have a couple "advanced" recipes coming up so maybe it was a good thing this recipe went off without any major hitches. Of course, this could just be the lull before the storm. Can't wait for Day 8 - how about you???
The recipe........a lot powdered sugar; a little bit of salt; a lot of creamy peanut butter; a little bit of butter....cream together and then roll into balls. Now here again, I have a "beef" with the amount the recipe makes - this recipe indicated that it would make 76 balls; when I finished mine made 34. Now I probably could have stretched the recipe, but after rolling about 20 - the balls started getting bigger and bigger because I just wanted to be done. All balls rolled; placed on cookie sheets lined with parchment paper and into the fridge for 30-60 minutes for the peanut butter to harden. I checked them at 30 minutes - not that they really looked any different from when I put them in their initially, but I really wanted to do the crossword puzzle so I let them chill for another 30 minutes. Crossword puzzle done - time to check on the chilled peanut butter. They still looked the same...only colder. Okay chilled balls and now onto the chocolate.
Another easy step. One bag of semi-sweet chocolate morsels and 2 tablespoons of oil - pop into the microwave and check about every 30 seconds. Stir, another 30 seconds, stir until completely melted. Cookie sheets pulled out of the fridge and ready to dip. This is where rolling the balls into "small" balls pays off. You have to poke a toothpick into the balls to dip and roll about in the chocolate - about 3/4 of the ball. Let the excess chocolate drip off and place them back on the parchment paper. So I should have made all the balls kinda, sorta small since when rolling and dipping them into the chocolate they become heavier and have a tendencies to start to pop off the toothpick. I had a couple that popped off the toothpick and became completely covered in chocolate. In an effort to have visually, uniform dessert - I ate those.....well, I couldn't feed them to the dog. Everyone knows that chocolate is lethal to dogs. I would like to say that they tasted bad, but I would be lying.
[Insert a little bit of useless information] The finished candy is suppose to resemble a buckeye which is the state tree of Ohio that produces a nut that is poisonous unless heated and leached. Native Americans gave it the name as it resembled the eye of a buck deer. Okay enough with history lesson. Thank you, Mr. Kohlenbrander and Mr. Crawford for my history lessons in high school.
All balls 3/4 covered in chocolate. Then you have to cover up the toothpick holes. Hhhmmm........really?!?!? Can't hold the candy to press closed the toothpick holes as the chocolate is still wet. So I decided to wet my index finger and smoothed out the hole.....that tip wasn't even in the recipe. That was all Donna!!! Into the fridge for the chocolate to harden about an hour. Arrange them on a plate and take a photo.
A bit of an uneventful day in the kitchen except that until about an hour ago - I realized that I had powder sugar down the front of my jeans. I guess from when I was cleaning up. Not to worry.....I called out for Chinese tonight. I have a couple "advanced" recipes coming up so maybe it was a good thing this recipe went off without any major hitches. Of course, this could just be the lull before the storm. Can't wait for Day 8 - how about you???
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Day 6: Blunders, Baseball Stats, and Biscotti
I had to take a nap after I finished making this recipe..not because it was that difficult, but because I screwed it so many times and ways. They tell a carpenter to measure twice - cut once; Donna should read the recipe twice and have bowls labelled - flour, sugar, chocolate, etc.
I get all of my ingredients out on the counter and this when I learned the ABC's of Biscotti - Always, Be, Careful.........sifted the dry ingredients into a bowl - sit it aside. 2 eggs cracked and lightly beaten in another bowl. Put the sugar in a separate bowl and thought the recipe said to must the cocoa in with the sugar......it did not....CRAP.....I only had enough cocoa to make one batch and I did want to go one day without having to go to the grocery so it stayed in with the sugar. Next needed to softened the butter - no worries - into the microwave. Pull it out and promptly dump into the sifted flour mixture which included salt, baking powder, and baking soda. Just to confirm, you never cream butter with flour.....you cream butter with sugar. CRAP, nothing to do, but to start again. This time I have Gray in the kitchen helping me keep an eye on myself.
Dump this concoction down the drain, wash the bowl.....start singing here, "And start all over again..." Measured flour into the bowl, baking powder, baking soda - going great - only need to add the salt. So I tell Gray, measure out a tablespoon of salt.......but she is smart....she reads the recipe and says, "Mom, it's a teaspoon of sugar." Good lord, good thing I messed up the first batch because I had added a full tablespoon of salt in it and I am sure it would have been inedible. And had it been edible, I am confident that anyone who dared sample it would have blown up like a Macy Thanksgiving Day Float from all the salt. Whew, dodge another bullet.
Butter into the sugar/cocoa combo - cream well, add dry mixture along with almonds incorporating a little at a time. Parchment paper on the cookie sheet. Divide mixture in half; shaping into two logs. Why do I have still have semi-sweet morsels on the counter?!?!?!? Because the were suppose to be added when I added the almonds.......[insert a string of cuss words here followed up with a slightly strained "Are you kidding me?!?!?!?" I was talking and yelling at myself - all at the same time. Gray gets smart and leaves the kitchen at this point....she wants no part of this jacked-up dessert that I INSIST on finishing. So I improvise.....pour the semi-sweet morsels on top of the chocolate logs; lightly flour my hands and gently massage them into the chocolate logs. Into the oven at 325 degrees for 25 minutes. I tell Gray that this will be a miracle if this even makes it through the first round of baking.
25 minutes tick away, pull it out of the oven.....holy crap.....I think it might work. Have to have it cool for 20 minutes. Okay....20 minutes comes and goes. Cut into slices and turn on their sides and bake for another 15 minutes, but at seven minutes, you pull them out and flip them to the other side so that they "dry" out evenly. Note to readers here....baking 101, don't pull out the baking sheet with a damp dish towel......it is as it you pulled it out with your bare hands. I faltered a minute but got it to the stove top without a crumb falling to the floor. Cool at room temperature.
For those you have been following along....yesterday this is where it went south very quickly and a video was made on just how far south it went. But oh no, [Insert finger wagging here] not today my friends......believe it or not it actually turned out. Can you believe it?!?!?! It actually turned out!!!!! Chris has already had 3 pieces of it, Gray thought it was too chocolaty for her; I have had two pieces and Mason who took one for the team yesterday and tried to gnaw through yesterday's dessert for a picture....put his blessing on it. YEAH......if I was a baseball player, I would be batting over 800.....better than the Texas Rangers......sorry, but it was open so I took it.
Just remember, the ABC's of baking.....Always Be Creative!!!!
I get all of my ingredients out on the counter and this when I learned the ABC's of Biscotti - Always, Be, Careful.........sifted the dry ingredients into a bowl - sit it aside. 2 eggs cracked and lightly beaten in another bowl. Put the sugar in a separate bowl and thought the recipe said to must the cocoa in with the sugar......it did not....CRAP.....I only had enough cocoa to make one batch and I did want to go one day without having to go to the grocery so it stayed in with the sugar. Next needed to softened the butter - no worries - into the microwave. Pull it out and promptly dump into the sifted flour mixture which included salt, baking powder, and baking soda. Just to confirm, you never cream butter with flour.....you cream butter with sugar. CRAP, nothing to do, but to start again. This time I have Gray in the kitchen helping me keep an eye on myself.
Dump this concoction down the drain, wash the bowl.....start singing here, "And start all over again..." Measured flour into the bowl, baking powder, baking soda - going great - only need to add the salt. So I tell Gray, measure out a tablespoon of salt.......but she is smart....she reads the recipe and says, "Mom, it's a teaspoon of sugar." Good lord, good thing I messed up the first batch because I had added a full tablespoon of salt in it and I am sure it would have been inedible. And had it been edible, I am confident that anyone who dared sample it would have blown up like a Macy Thanksgiving Day Float from all the salt. Whew, dodge another bullet.
Butter into the sugar/cocoa combo - cream well, add dry mixture along with almonds incorporating a little at a time. Parchment paper on the cookie sheet. Divide mixture in half; shaping into two logs. Why do I have still have semi-sweet morsels on the counter?!?!?!? Because the were suppose to be added when I added the almonds.......[insert a string of cuss words here followed up with a slightly strained "Are you kidding me?!?!?!?" I was talking and yelling at myself - all at the same time. Gray gets smart and leaves the kitchen at this point....she wants no part of this jacked-up dessert that I INSIST on finishing. So I improvise.....pour the semi-sweet morsels on top of the chocolate logs; lightly flour my hands and gently massage them into the chocolate logs. Into the oven at 325 degrees for 25 minutes. I tell Gray that this will be a miracle if this even makes it through the first round of baking.
25 minutes tick away, pull it out of the oven.....holy crap.....I think it might work. Have to have it cool for 20 minutes. Okay....20 minutes comes and goes. Cut into slices and turn on their sides and bake for another 15 minutes, but at seven minutes, you pull them out and flip them to the other side so that they "dry" out evenly. Note to readers here....baking 101, don't pull out the baking sheet with a damp dish towel......it is as it you pulled it out with your bare hands. I faltered a minute but got it to the stove top without a crumb falling to the floor. Cool at room temperature.
For those you have been following along....yesterday this is where it went south very quickly and a video was made on just how far south it went. But oh no, [Insert finger wagging here] not today my friends......believe it or not it actually turned out. Can you believe it?!?!?! It actually turned out!!!!! Chris has already had 3 pieces of it, Gray thought it was too chocolaty for her; I have had two pieces and Mason who took one for the team yesterday and tried to gnaw through yesterday's dessert for a picture....put his blessing on it. YEAH......if I was a baseball player, I would be batting over 800.....better than the Texas Rangers......sorry, but it was open so I took it.
Just remember, the ABC's of baking.....Always Be Creative!!!!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Day 5: Butter, Breadcrumbs, and Building Material
I was excited to make this cake. I had visions of my great-grandmother eating this cake while she was growing up Warsaw and even in Riley, Kansas where she finally settled, married and died. I had the great fortune of growing up with her as she didn't pass until I was a junior in high school. I don't ever remember her making this cake, but I knew that if I made it - it would complete a circle and it would become a new family tradition....Honey Cake for Christmas.
Time to gather the ingredients...light brown sugar; honey; 4 eggs; hazelnuts.....first hitch. I usually don't have hazelnuts hanging around and I did not want to make a special trip to Central Market so I altered the recipe and decided to use chopped nut topping. I am assuming that this should not make a huge difference. Oh yes and white breadcrumbs.......yup....I said white breadcrumbs. Should this be a red flag?!?!?! I paused and thought if it was good enough for Lydia H. Weiss Buseman - it was good enough for me. In retrospect, I might should have contemplated it a bit longer.
Ingredients gathered - now need a baking dish. And wouldn't you know I could not find my 7 1/2 cup fluted brioche tin.......(to confirm - I don't have one), but I did know that I had a bundt pan. Kinda of the same so thought it could work. Now picture this.....I know that I have a bundt pan, but I can not for love of Pete find it. I am crawling all over my kitchen floor - unloading cabinets in search of this dang bundt pan. Ok not in the bottom cabinets; up on the step stool looking in the higher cabinets - nowhere. Looked in the pantry and even looked in the laundry room - no dang bundt pan. Well crap - I was afraid to use a regular cake pan SO off to Wal-Mart I go......I made sure that this time I had no baking remnants smeared across my face before going in. Imagine that - no fluted brioche tins in the entire store. So I bought a bundt pan and a spring form pan. As I ponder which to use: bundt or spingform pan - I settled on the springform pan. Which I prepped with some butter and a 1/4 cup of bread crumbs. Double boiler in place - the honey needs go liquifies and whisk til light and frothy......hhhmmmm.....frothy honey. OK, not really even sure I got it to the frothy stage.....starting to wonder "what the hell am I doing trying to make this".......might as well see it through - I have gotten this far. Mix remaining breadcrumbs with nuts into frothy honey mixture. I need to pause here just a minute and let you know that this recipe didn't call for a few morsels of breadcrumbs - it called for a total of 2 cups of bread crumbs. I am not even sure you use that many breadcrumbs to make Thanksgiving stuffing!!! Last stage of prep - beat 4 egg whites until stiff an gently fold in. Again, enveloped in my nostalgic dream of grandma - I decided to beat the egg whites by hand. This was a bad decision....first - the bowl was too small; two - you have to have biceps and endurance of a tri-athlete to beat egg whites by hand to the stiff stage; and three - you have to have a relief partner. If was like the WWE....lets get ready to rumble......I had to tag team with Chris on these dang egg whites - I tapped out and he took over and then I came back and finished. I folded in the the egg whites and spooned the mixture into the springform pan. Into the oven 350 degrees for 40-45 minutes.
Read an article on Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis while the cake baked. The recipe indicated that the cake will rise during cooking and will sink slightly as it cooled. I looked in on my cake.....was it rising.....couldn't tell....opened the door and confirmed....cake not rising. I folded in the stiff egg whites.....did I fold them to much??? Crap, my gut is telling me that I folded too much or I wasn't gently enough with spooning in the mixture OR maybe I should have gone with the bundt pan. Pulled the cake at 42 minutes. It did not have to sink because it never rose.
I knew that I had to be the first one to taste it so I cut into it - no, I lie - I sawed into and took a bite. It is extremely dense (well of course since the dang thing never rose and has 2 cups of breadcrumbs ), it does take like honey, but I am thinking when it cools completely it will be like a brick. Hold-on.....let me go check........Holy Crap - it has turned into what my son calls "Polish Cinder Block Cake". I just took several pictures to show how "stable" cake has become an added them to facebook.
I am guessing that when Lydia H. Weiss Buseman made this -it was a great cake, but to confirm when Donna Jean Duncan Paul made it......the dog even had a hard time eating it and I think I might be able to sell this as a fragrant door stop or better yet - organic building material in third world countries.
Time to gather the ingredients...light brown sugar; honey; 4 eggs; hazelnuts.....first hitch. I usually don't have hazelnuts hanging around and I did not want to make a special trip to Central Market so I altered the recipe and decided to use chopped nut topping. I am assuming that this should not make a huge difference. Oh yes and white breadcrumbs.......yup....I said white breadcrumbs. Should this be a red flag?!?!?! I paused and thought if it was good enough for Lydia H. Weiss Buseman - it was good enough for me. In retrospect, I might should have contemplated it a bit longer.
Ingredients gathered - now need a baking dish. And wouldn't you know I could not find my 7 1/2 cup fluted brioche tin.......(to confirm - I don't have one), but I did know that I had a bundt pan. Kinda of the same so thought it could work. Now picture this.....I know that I have a bundt pan, but I can not for love of Pete find it. I am crawling all over my kitchen floor - unloading cabinets in search of this dang bundt pan. Ok not in the bottom cabinets; up on the step stool looking in the higher cabinets - nowhere. Looked in the pantry and even looked in the laundry room - no dang bundt pan. Well crap - I was afraid to use a regular cake pan SO off to Wal-Mart I go......I made sure that this time I had no baking remnants smeared across my face before going in. Imagine that - no fluted brioche tins in the entire store. So I bought a bundt pan and a spring form pan. As I ponder which to use: bundt or spingform pan - I settled on the springform pan. Which I prepped with some butter and a 1/4 cup of bread crumbs. Double boiler in place - the honey needs go liquifies and whisk til light and frothy......hhhmmmm.....frothy honey. OK, not really even sure I got it to the frothy stage.....starting to wonder "what the hell am I doing trying to make this".......might as well see it through - I have gotten this far. Mix remaining breadcrumbs with nuts into frothy honey mixture. I need to pause here just a minute and let you know that this recipe didn't call for a few morsels of breadcrumbs - it called for a total of 2 cups of bread crumbs. I am not even sure you use that many breadcrumbs to make Thanksgiving stuffing!!! Last stage of prep - beat 4 egg whites until stiff an gently fold in. Again, enveloped in my nostalgic dream of grandma - I decided to beat the egg whites by hand. This was a bad decision....first - the bowl was too small; two - you have to have biceps and endurance of a tri-athlete to beat egg whites by hand to the stiff stage; and three - you have to have a relief partner. If was like the WWE....lets get ready to rumble......I had to tag team with Chris on these dang egg whites - I tapped out and he took over and then I came back and finished. I folded in the the egg whites and spooned the mixture into the springform pan. Into the oven 350 degrees for 40-45 minutes.
Read an article on Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis while the cake baked. The recipe indicated that the cake will rise during cooking and will sink slightly as it cooled. I looked in on my cake.....was it rising.....couldn't tell....opened the door and confirmed....cake not rising. I folded in the stiff egg whites.....did I fold them to much??? Crap, my gut is telling me that I folded too much or I wasn't gently enough with spooning in the mixture OR maybe I should have gone with the bundt pan. Pulled the cake at 42 minutes. It did not have to sink because it never rose.
I knew that I had to be the first one to taste it so I cut into it - no, I lie - I sawed into and took a bite. It is extremely dense (well of course since the dang thing never rose and has 2 cups of breadcrumbs ), it does take like honey, but I am thinking when it cools completely it will be like a brick. Hold-on.....let me go check........Holy Crap - it has turned into what my son calls "Polish Cinder Block Cake". I just took several pictures to show how "stable" cake has become an added them to facebook.
I am guessing that when Lydia H. Weiss Buseman made this -it was a great cake, but to confirm when Donna Jean Duncan Paul made it......the dog even had a hard time eating it and I think I might be able to sell this as a fragrant door stop or better yet - organic building material in third world countries.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Day 4: Here a Peanut; There a Peanut; Everywhere Peanuts - oh and a small fire
Yes, I know that I am late in getting my blog posted today, but to confirm, it is not due to recipe difficulties...I have just had a very busy day. I even wrote some this blog while riding in the car on the way to my nephew's indoor soccer game. So......Day 4 -Peanut Brittle. A couple of notes worthy of mentioning about peanut brittle:
1. I now know why peanut brittle costs so much to purchase retail; and
2. This is a candy dessert that you have to be committed to before you begin.
Folks, this is not like slice and bake cookies and read part of the paper while they are baking.....oh no.....this involves a candy thermometer which takes this to a whole new level. One, frankly, that I was not sure that I could handle. There were horror stories of peanut brittle down from generation to generation in my family. The year an aunt got burned by the syrup mixture; the year the peanuts had gone rancid; and the year that the peanut brittle turned green....yes, I said green AND it happened twice. My sister and I witnessed the latter....my sister swears I was responsible for the first batch of green peanut brittle - this I do not recall or maybe I chose to repress it; however, we both agree that mom was responsible for the second green batch. And to this day, none of us can figure out how or why it would have turned green. Oh, I guess if I really wanted to know, I could pose the question to a chemist or a scientist, but some questions are best left unanswered. Besides, the story would lose a little bit of its luster if we had an answer.
My experience with the brittle will probably not make the cut of horror stories of years before, but here it is: First, you have to have a candy thermometer (mine was my grandma's) and you have to make sure that you attach it to the side of the pot, but you have to make sure kit does not touch the bottom of the pot or you do not get an accurate reading. And the last thing that you want is reaching the hard candy stage when you are really at the soft candy stage. Thermometer positioned, sugar, light Karo syrup and water added to the pot - medium heat and then you wait....and wait....and wait...and wait. This is when I pulled the step stool up to the front of the stove and waited some more. Before you can do anything, you have to wait until the temperature of the sugar syrup mixture reaches 234 degrees....not 230 or 235, but 234. Really?!?!?! I panic a bit here, because my thermometer has increments in five, not 4...so I waited until it got to 235. In goes 2 cups of raw Spanish peanuts and salt. And then you stir, and stir, and stir, and stir, and stir. Did I mention that you have to stir?!?!?! You have to keep stirring until the temp reaches 305 and then quickly you have to add 1 tablespoon of butter and 1 teaspoon of baking soda...stir, stir, stir and pour out on two greased cookie sheets. Had a little stubble here with the butter and I can confirm, that when you drop the butter between the pot and the butter...it does flame up.....I hesitate to call my incident a fire, but it does flame and of course melts everywhere. I did jump back a little bit, but recovered and got more butter; add the baking soda and stirred and poured it out onto cookie sheets. Let it hardened and break it into pieces.
Recap: can't buy a small amount of raw Spanish peanuts so I have to figure out what the heck I am going to do with about 4 more cups of them; lots of waiting (which coincides with the high retail price) for the syrup to come up to temp; could have used some more salt; lots of stirring (which coincides with the high retail price) for the syrup and peanuts to come to temp; move quickly with the salt and baking powder; and a nice tablespoon of butter slightly seared to the grate, the burner cap, and the drip pan [sigh]. And if anyone has any ideas what you can do with raw Spanish peanuts other than making more peanut brittle - let me know.
1. I now know why peanut brittle costs so much to purchase retail; and
2. This is a candy dessert that you have to be committed to before you begin.
Folks, this is not like slice and bake cookies and read part of the paper while they are baking.....oh no.....this involves a candy thermometer which takes this to a whole new level. One, frankly, that I was not sure that I could handle. There were horror stories of peanut brittle down from generation to generation in my family. The year an aunt got burned by the syrup mixture; the year the peanuts had gone rancid; and the year that the peanut brittle turned green....yes, I said green AND it happened twice. My sister and I witnessed the latter....my sister swears I was responsible for the first batch of green peanut brittle - this I do not recall or maybe I chose to repress it; however, we both agree that mom was responsible for the second green batch. And to this day, none of us can figure out how or why it would have turned green. Oh, I guess if I really wanted to know, I could pose the question to a chemist or a scientist, but some questions are best left unanswered. Besides, the story would lose a little bit of its luster if we had an answer.
My experience with the brittle will probably not make the cut of horror stories of years before, but here it is: First, you have to have a candy thermometer (mine was my grandma's) and you have to make sure that you attach it to the side of the pot, but you have to make sure kit does not touch the bottom of the pot or you do not get an accurate reading. And the last thing that you want is reaching the hard candy stage when you are really at the soft candy stage. Thermometer positioned, sugar, light Karo syrup and water added to the pot - medium heat and then you wait....and wait....and wait...and wait. This is when I pulled the step stool up to the front of the stove and waited some more. Before you can do anything, you have to wait until the temperature of the sugar syrup mixture reaches 234 degrees....not 230 or 235, but 234. Really?!?!?! I panic a bit here, because my thermometer has increments in five, not 4...so I waited until it got to 235. In goes 2 cups of raw Spanish peanuts and salt. And then you stir, and stir, and stir, and stir, and stir. Did I mention that you have to stir?!?!?! You have to keep stirring until the temp reaches 305 and then quickly you have to add 1 tablespoon of butter and 1 teaspoon of baking soda...stir, stir, stir and pour out on two greased cookie sheets. Had a little stubble here with the butter and I can confirm, that when you drop the butter between the pot and the butter...it does flame up.....I hesitate to call my incident a fire, but it does flame and of course melts everywhere. I did jump back a little bit, but recovered and got more butter; add the baking soda and stirred and poured it out onto cookie sheets. Let it hardened and break it into pieces.
Recap: can't buy a small amount of raw Spanish peanuts so I have to figure out what the heck I am going to do with about 4 more cups of them; lots of waiting (which coincides with the high retail price) for the syrup to come up to temp; could have used some more salt; lots of stirring (which coincides with the high retail price) for the syrup and peanuts to come to temp; move quickly with the salt and baking powder; and a nice tablespoon of butter slightly seared to the grate, the burner cap, and the drip pan [sigh]. And if anyone has any ideas what you can do with raw Spanish peanuts other than making more peanut brittle - let me know.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Day 3: Peppermint Extract; Peppermint Sticks and Wal-Mart
Today is Day 3 and I have never used so much peppermint at one time in my entire life. Wait, I probably need to clarify - excluding peppermint schnapps that was taken with regularity when in college while I worked at Bushwackers. The recipe today - very easy - the longest wait was letting the dough chill which the recipe indicated would be 30-60 minutes. It was closer to 60, but no worries. I enjoyed a nice cup of hazelnut coffee.
I do have a beef about this recipe...well...in general most recipes. Do you ever notice the recipe never seems to make the amount indicated. For instance, today's recipe indicated it should yield 4 dozen. Now to confirm, I did not roll large or even medium sized balls (no jokes) and my recipe only made 3 dozen. I think for this to make 4 dozen cookies, I would have had to have rolled them about the size of mouse turds...I am just thinking. Does this happen to anyone else????
So the dough was chilled, balls were rolled and into the oven for 15 minutes on 350 until slightly brown on the edges. On to the glaze......powder sugar - check; 2 tablespoons of milk - check; 2 tablespoons of butter - check; 2 drops of red food coloring - check; crushed peppermints - WHAT...no....crap.....and the crushed peppermints have to be added while the glaze is wet......did I mention crap?!?!?! Off to Wal-Mart to purchase candy canes.
1 box of candy canes..88 cents. What a bargain. I head to the check-out and the chick with her little blue bow in her hair asks me, "Have you been cooking?" Had Wal-Mart started hiring clairvoyants???? I nodded and thought - Hhhmmm - is this the Wal-Mart question of the day to its customers? Are there questions of the day???? Didn't really think anymore of if. Paid and back to my car.....I had glaze to make. Car on; seat belt on; visor down to block out the sun and it became apparent to me why the baking question was posed to me. I had powdered sugar smeared across my forehead as if I was on my way to a some tribal ritual that involved dancing around fire and making weird noises. Oh lord......they are probably still talking about me, but what is a girl to do when she is on a mission for peppermint sticks?!?!?!?!
Glaze made; candy canes pounded....let me interject here.....when pounding candy canes - cover the candy canes with a towel before beating the crap put of them with a meat mallet. Because those candy canes shards will fly all over your dang kitchen - a mess to clean up, but your dog will love you. Glaze was drizzled with more finesse today than yesterday and crushed candy canes added to the top.
The cookies turned out great; however, there is only one thing that still has me worried.....since Tim (our dog) ate some of the peppermint shards that went flying through the kitchen.....will his dog farts smell like peppermints????? Just a point ponder.
I do have a beef about this recipe...well...in general most recipes. Do you ever notice the recipe never seems to make the amount indicated. For instance, today's recipe indicated it should yield 4 dozen. Now to confirm, I did not roll large or even medium sized balls (no jokes) and my recipe only made 3 dozen. I think for this to make 4 dozen cookies, I would have had to have rolled them about the size of mouse turds...I am just thinking. Does this happen to anyone else????
So the dough was chilled, balls were rolled and into the oven for 15 minutes on 350 until slightly brown on the edges. On to the glaze......powder sugar - check; 2 tablespoons of milk - check; 2 tablespoons of butter - check; 2 drops of red food coloring - check; crushed peppermints - WHAT...no....crap.....and the crushed peppermints have to be added while the glaze is wet......did I mention crap?!?!?! Off to Wal-Mart to purchase candy canes.
1 box of candy canes..88 cents. What a bargain. I head to the check-out and the chick with her little blue bow in her hair asks me, "Have you been cooking?" Had Wal-Mart started hiring clairvoyants???? I nodded and thought - Hhhmmm - is this the Wal-Mart question of the day to its customers? Are there questions of the day???? Didn't really think anymore of if. Paid and back to my car.....I had glaze to make. Car on; seat belt on; visor down to block out the sun and it became apparent to me why the baking question was posed to me. I had powdered sugar smeared across my forehead as if I was on my way to a some tribal ritual that involved dancing around fire and making weird noises. Oh lord......they are probably still talking about me, but what is a girl to do when she is on a mission for peppermint sticks?!?!?!?!
Glaze made; candy canes pounded....let me interject here.....when pounding candy canes - cover the candy canes with a towel before beating the crap put of them with a meat mallet. Because those candy canes shards will fly all over your dang kitchen - a mess to clean up, but your dog will love you. Glaze was drizzled with more finesse today than yesterday and crushed candy canes added to the top.
The cookies turned out great; however, there is only one thing that still has me worried.....since Tim (our dog) ate some of the peppermint shards that went flying through the kitchen.....will his dog farts smell like peppermints????? Just a point ponder.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Day 2: Puffed Pastry, Pudding, and Powdered Sugar
Today is Day 2 in my quest of 12 desserts in 12 days. And based on the title of this blog - yes, Virgina today was Napoleons. Again another recipe never made before....it looks difficult, but I can tell you that it was really quite simple. I think the thing that took the longest was letting the puff pastry thaw...the package said about 20 minutes; however, mine took about 32 minutes...give or that a minute or so. So while I was waiting - I painted the house. Really?!? No, just seeing if you were paying attention. I actually gathered the rest of my ingredients and had a cup of coffee. With the puff pastry thawed and cut - into the oven it went at 400 degrees for 12-15 minutes. I actually baked mine for 14 - I was going to go for 15, but they were getting a little too brown so 14 it was. While the pastry cooled - I whipped up the "middle". Chocolate pudding, 1 cup of milk, 1 cup of sour cream....it is here that I paused and thought - really?!?!? I prayed that no one used it last night for their baked potato - you know how it goes, baked potato with sour cream is great, but their always seems to be a few shreds of cheese or bacon bits that get lodged into the sour cream when we are done. Nope - not an shred of cheese or bacon bit to be found. So in went the sour cream.....whisk for 2 minutes and chill. Here is where I pulled out a trick that Mrs. Harbour taught me in Foods Class at the old MHS.....when chilling pudding or pudding like products - cover with wax paper and gently press on to the pudding. SHAAZAAM - no film!!! Thank-you, Mrs. Harbour.
Side bar - does anyone from the "Little Apple" know if Mrs. Harbour still lives in Manhattan?
So back to the recipe.....middle made, puff pastry opened and tops sit aside. Generous dollop of "middle" slopped on and tops gently pushed on. On to the glaze and UH-HUH....a problem.....1 cup of powder sugar and 1 tablespoon of milk NOT 1 cup of powder sugar and 1 cup of milk. The latter combo does not make a glaze it just makes really sweet, slightly thick milk. Down the drain and start again. Yup following the recipe works much better. Spread on the glaze.....a little trick....use the back side of the spoon to spread it on as it coats just the right amount that doesn't end up running off the side of the pastry.
Last step - melt some chocolate morsels to drizzle......no issues....drizzled and flung the melted chocolate like I was a master chocolatier. Of course, I had to clean up the flung chocolate from the counter top, the top of the stove and off of my shirt. I am guessing a true master chocolatier would have better control of his fling and possibly worn an apron. Note to self for next time.
Day three....oh what will it be....stay tuned!!!!
Side bar - does anyone from the "Little Apple" know if Mrs. Harbour still lives in Manhattan?
So back to the recipe.....middle made, puff pastry opened and tops sit aside. Generous dollop of "middle" slopped on and tops gently pushed on. On to the glaze and UH-HUH....a problem.....1 cup of powder sugar and 1 tablespoon of milk NOT 1 cup of powder sugar and 1 cup of milk. The latter combo does not make a glaze it just makes really sweet, slightly thick milk. Down the drain and start again. Yup following the recipe works much better. Spread on the glaze.....a little trick....use the back side of the spoon to spread it on as it coats just the right amount that doesn't end up running off the side of the pastry.
Last step - melt some chocolate morsels to drizzle......no issues....drizzled and flung the melted chocolate like I was a master chocolatier. Of course, I had to clean up the flung chocolate from the counter top, the top of the stove and off of my shirt. I am guessing a true master chocolatier would have better control of his fling and possibly worn an apron. Note to self for next time.
Day three....oh what will it be....stay tuned!!!!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Twelve Days of What?!?!?!
Most everyone knows that on the first day of Christmas, your true love will give to you a partridge in a pear tree. Hhhhmmmm - how ordinary. I have decided to embark on something a bit different this year....I am baking desserts for 12 days. I was flipping through the channels and landed on Fine Living Network Sunday night and started watching a program titled "Twelve Days of Christmas Desserts" and in a brief moment of either brilliance or baffling stupidity - I decided that I could do that. So yesterday, armed with a lengthy list, I set off for the grocery and with a cart full of various powders, extracts, and liquids that would amaze Martha Stewart (if she did her own shopping) - I headed for the checkout. When you buy a pound of sugar here and a pound of flour there - you never really realize what it costs to bake. I am already about $100 into this adventure and the oven hasn't even been turned on. What was I thinking?!?!? Maybe I have gone mad!!!
So here we are Tuesday morning and the first recipe is Apple Cranberry Upside Down Cake. Really?!?!?! I have never even made a Pineapple Upside Down Cake and after coring and peeling the apples - I believe opening a can of pineapple would have been much easier. So first hitch was that I couldn't find the peeler so I pared the apples the old-fashion way - with a steak knife....yup I said a steak knife....why make it easy..it was the first knife that I grabbed. Apples peeled and drizzled with lemon juice (to prevent browning); off to soaking the cranberries. This was easy as the recipe called for dried cranberries to soak in water. In hindsight, I might have modified the recipe and possibly soaked them in orange juice. On to the cake batter.....eggs, oil, etc......stir, mix - not too much - should still have some lumps. Yup - still have some lumps even after mixing for 2 minutes.....no hand mixer for me.....all by hand today. Now I need the "syrup" - brown sugar and butter melted together. Here is where I now know that I read the recipe wrong......1 cup of brown sugar - not a 1/2 cup AND 4 tablespoons of butter not 2 tablespoons. I did think that it looked sparse as I poured it over the layer of apples and cranberries, but what did I know since I have never made the recipe before......and of course you don't realize this until after you invert and turn over the cake. Hhhmmm....maybe I will spoon some caramel sauce over the slices when I serve it.
Bake for 32 minutes at 325; cool for 5 minutes and invert. Done, Done and Done. Only 1 piece of pineapple stuck to the dish...again...not too bad for the first try. I wonder if Martha ever has her cake stick?!?!?! I am thinking not, but then again I wonder if she really does her own cooking anymore.
I think this will be a great fun - 12 days of desserts; however, stay tuned as it may become 12 days of stressed (desserts spelled backwards).
So here we are Tuesday morning and the first recipe is Apple Cranberry Upside Down Cake. Really?!?!?! I have never even made a Pineapple Upside Down Cake and after coring and peeling the apples - I believe opening a can of pineapple would have been much easier. So first hitch was that I couldn't find the peeler so I pared the apples the old-fashion way - with a steak knife....yup I said a steak knife....why make it easy..it was the first knife that I grabbed. Apples peeled and drizzled with lemon juice (to prevent browning); off to soaking the cranberries. This was easy as the recipe called for dried cranberries to soak in water. In hindsight, I might have modified the recipe and possibly soaked them in orange juice. On to the cake batter.....eggs, oil, etc......stir, mix - not too much - should still have some lumps. Yup - still have some lumps even after mixing for 2 minutes.....no hand mixer for me.....all by hand today. Now I need the "syrup" - brown sugar and butter melted together. Here is where I now know that I read the recipe wrong......1 cup of brown sugar - not a 1/2 cup AND 4 tablespoons of butter not 2 tablespoons. I did think that it looked sparse as I poured it over the layer of apples and cranberries, but what did I know since I have never made the recipe before......and of course you don't realize this until after you invert and turn over the cake. Hhhmmm....maybe I will spoon some caramel sauce over the slices when I serve it.
Bake for 32 minutes at 325; cool for 5 minutes and invert. Done, Done and Done. Only 1 piece of pineapple stuck to the dish...again...not too bad for the first try. I wonder if Martha ever has her cake stick?!?!?! I am thinking not, but then again I wonder if she really does her own cooking anymore.
I think this will be a great fun - 12 days of desserts; however, stay tuned as it may become 12 days of stressed (desserts spelled backwards).
Monday, August 10, 2009
Jury Duty and the Salts
So I had jury duty today. Doing your civic duty requires that you be in downtown Dallas at 8:30 am - this alone would discourage the smart person from venturing through the concrete jungle to try to find a paring space close to the building. But Dallas County thinks ahead - they provide with you an all-day DART pass so I rode the train downtown. When I worked downtown I thoroughly enjoyed riding the train and today was no different. This was step one of mixing it up with the "salts" - a term that I picked up at home this summer. By definition, the "salts" are typically the good people who work for a living - you know a deviation from the term "salt of the earth." However, to confirm, there are many different levels of salts - you have the salts that don't work; you have the salts that barely work; you have the salts who work all the time; you have those who are embarrassed to be a salt (my personal opinion is these are the worst of the salts); and finally you have those who pretend to be a salt because they are embarrassed of what they have and try to fit in. Salts on the train are the salts who work all the time - they work all week at an 8-5 job and then wok all weekend at home. Most of the people that I know fall in this category.
When I arrive at the Court Building - they funnel you into the Central Jury Room. And the room overflowed with salts. My observation is that most of the salts here - don't want to be salts. So to compensate they come all decked out and pray feverishly that no one mistakes them for a salt. Me!?!?!? I purposely went without makeup hoping it would enhance my chances of not being selected. I had two female salts next to me who just met each other this morning and the next thing you know they are talking as if they had known each other for years.....no I take that back - one talked as if she had known the other for years. You know the type......I did this, my kids did that, my husband did this and now does that...both teachers who married engineers; one from Garland, one from Richardson, both postponed jury service earlier this summer due to scheduled vacation....blah, blah, blah,blah,blah......just my luck - salts who don't want to be salts.
Oh wait did I mention that my purse got pulled for a search. And for all of you who really know me - I carry a ton of stuff in my bag. (To catch those of you up to date - until last year I used to carry a backpack 24/7. It fit my style and I had been doing it since high school.) Now you understand my need for a large satchel. So my bag gets pulled and she passes me off to another checker chick who made me pull out my pop tarts, my tic tacs, my phone and looked through my makeup bag (of course, she was probably wondering why I didn't elect to out any on this morning) and then the second bag chick checker says, "Wow, there is a lot of stuff in there." I laughed out loud and proudly agreed with the barely working salt.
I was juror 709 and I got to spend my entire time in the central jury room hanging with the rest of the salts who didn't selected. The thing IS....I am a salt and I say it loud and proud. If you haven't hung out with the salts lately.....go to Wal-Mart, go out to dinner, ride mass transit, go to the local hog-it-all, or go to the gym. We are everywhere - it is good to hang with the salts.
When I arrive at the Court Building - they funnel you into the Central Jury Room. And the room overflowed with salts. My observation is that most of the salts here - don't want to be salts. So to compensate they come all decked out and pray feverishly that no one mistakes them for a salt. Me!?!?!? I purposely went without makeup hoping it would enhance my chances of not being selected. I had two female salts next to me who just met each other this morning and the next thing you know they are talking as if they had known each other for years.....no I take that back - one talked as if she had known the other for years. You know the type......I did this, my kids did that, my husband did this and now does that...both teachers who married engineers; one from Garland, one from Richardson, both postponed jury service earlier this summer due to scheduled vacation....blah, blah, blah,blah,blah......just my luck - salts who don't want to be salts.
Oh wait did I mention that my purse got pulled for a search. And for all of you who really know me - I carry a ton of stuff in my bag. (To catch those of you up to date - until last year I used to carry a backpack 24/7. It fit my style and I had been doing it since high school.) Now you understand my need for a large satchel. So my bag gets pulled and she passes me off to another checker chick who made me pull out my pop tarts, my tic tacs, my phone and looked through my makeup bag (of course, she was probably wondering why I didn't elect to out any on this morning) and then the second bag chick checker says, "Wow, there is a lot of stuff in there." I laughed out loud and proudly agreed with the barely working salt.
I was juror 709 and I got to spend my entire time in the central jury room hanging with the rest of the salts who didn't selected. The thing IS....I am a salt and I say it loud and proud. If you haven't hung out with the salts lately.....go to Wal-Mart, go out to dinner, ride mass transit, go to the local hog-it-all, or go to the gym. We are everywhere - it is good to hang with the salts.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Bacon, Bailout Money, and Bingo Dangle
By now, you know that most of my blogs start off with an aha moment.....this one is no different. It happened on Friday when I was talking to Erin about her hesitation to just go ahead and buy a new car. I had told her that if I still lived in Kansas, I would be driving a car with manual (standard) transmission....yes...a stick shift. I have always liked driving a manual - I always felt like I had more control of the car. But I digress - this is not my aha moment. My aha moment has to do with manual window handles....you know......what we used to have to do before we had electric windows in our cars. OK, now that we are on the same page. This is the demise of all women my age who don't like to work out......this used to be our workout. Crank the window down, crank the window up....several times a day. We worked out our upper arms. And here is it is.....I NEVER had "bingo-dangle" on my arms until I purchased a car with electric windows. Are you unfamiliar with the term "bingo-dangle"? It is the loose skin under my upper arms that keeps swinging after you raise your hand to call out bingo. In the UK, it is called having bat wings. I realized in that moment, in my office, that I too was struggling right along side of the big automakers....why.....because they put me in this situation. It is not my fault........it is GM's fault........I need a bailout. Of course the "bingo-dangle" has nothing to do with the fact that every weekend that I love having an egg, bacon, and biscuit breakfast. Oh no it is GM's fault..that's my story and I am sticking to it. So right after this blog, I am getting ready to send my letter off to see if I can get some bailout money for my "bingo-dangle." It is a crisis and I need to act quick...I think the letter should ready something like this.....Dear Mr. President...I am writing to you because there is a crisis in America.....GM is at fault for all of the "bingo -dangle" that it is it spilling out of many a the mid-western woman's shirt, and it moving quickly to the East and West coast. We need your help now - before this reaches epidemic portions.......!!! I will keep you posted if I can get some bailout money......until then I will continue to wave with my arms close to my sides.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Tweens, Bra Size and a Spork
I am about ready to pull my hair out.......I have three girl tweens in my house right now. And in normal tween style....they are playing the game of "one-upping" right now........I am better at this, I made this, I work out longer than you, I eat better than you, my space on MySpace is better than yours, I have better music on my phone than you do.....OMG!!!! When I was growing up the only thing that I remembering "one-upping" was in maybe my bra size.....maybe?!?!?! I don't know you would have to ask my friend Tina to be sure. I am sorry that I am having to listen to this as it makes me want to spork my brain out and it makes me sad that all of these things are things that they care about. OMG like IDK......I am trying to watching the Sotomayer hearings and they are debating who has had a membership longer at Life Time Fitness...really?!?!?!? Are these things that really matter to them.......my dog licks people more than your dog......I don't remember ever caring about stuff like this........or even pausing to ponder such drivel.
I may have morphed into my parents.......I can hear my dad, "What are those rum-dumbs up to now?" I remember that our house was the house where all the kids hung out, but it never even dawned on me that at some point my parents probably wished that they could just hang out quietly by themselves. And yet my parents very rarely kicked us all out. Why?!?!?!
If my parents could handle it, why am I quietly calculating how to kick them outside, change the locks on the doors, and dig a moat around the house and fill it with alligators before they can make it around the block??? If I had super powers - I could do it....no really, I think I could. What???? Have you never had those thoughts.......instead I take another sip of warm tea, inhale, exhale, and clear my brain of super power thoughts. I repeat....."I am stronger than this, I am stronger than this......"
So with the power that my parents possessed, I keep repeating how grateful I am that I know where they are and I don't have to worry about their whereabouts and actions. Now if I can just remember where I put my silver-plated spork.......maybe it is in the garage with the power tools and my emergency stock of alligators.
I may have morphed into my parents.......I can hear my dad, "What are those rum-dumbs up to now?" I remember that our house was the house where all the kids hung out, but it never even dawned on me that at some point my parents probably wished that they could just hang out quietly by themselves. And yet my parents very rarely kicked us all out. Why?!?!?!
If my parents could handle it, why am I quietly calculating how to kick them outside, change the locks on the doors, and dig a moat around the house and fill it with alligators before they can make it around the block??? If I had super powers - I could do it....no really, I think I could. What???? Have you never had those thoughts.......instead I take another sip of warm tea, inhale, exhale, and clear my brain of super power thoughts. I repeat....."I am stronger than this, I am stronger than this......"
So with the power that my parents possessed, I keep repeating how grateful I am that I know where they are and I don't have to worry about their whereabouts and actions. Now if I can just remember where I put my silver-plated spork.......maybe it is in the garage with the power tools and my emergency stock of alligators.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
And I cried
I didn't anticipate it. It didn't even occur to me that it might happen based on my prior thougths about his life and death. But suddenly without notice the song "We are the World" started playing and with his family standing in silent unison on the stage - a single tear rolled down my cheek. It was in that moment, that I mourned a person who died too soon, a father who died before he was able to share the milestones of his children's lives, a son who didn't outlive his parents, a brother who would no longer partake in holiday dinners, a uncle who would never wish the nieces and nephews a happy birthday. And when his daughter spoke about her daddy and how he was the best father ever - I cried for a daughter who lost her daddy.
A lot has been said about his life - triumphs and tragedies. And admittedly, I have been one of them. But today I cried because a person, a human being died.
A lot has been said about his life - triumphs and tragedies. And admittedly, I have been one of them. But today I cried because a person, a human being died.
Egg Salad Sandwich, Superstars, and a Circus
Today is the day of the Michael Jackson memorial service. I will watch with morbid curiosity - I believe it will become a three-ring circus that will be a dis-service to the music genius that he became and it will be forgotten that a person died.
When Princess Diana died, I cried for days. I got up early to watch marry Prince Charles and watched with wide-eyed awe. When she died - I got up early with orange juice in hand to watch the funeral and I watched through tear-filled eyes. It only seemed fitting since I watched the beginning (her marriage) of her star rising that I should also watch as she, the sometimes troubled star, be laid to rest. I remember it as if it was yesterday and I also remembered being physically exhausted after weeks of watching and crying.
And here is another troubled star being laid to rest. I am exhausted but it comes from the 24-7 coverage of his life, his troubles, his yet to be determined legacy and yet I have cried zero tears. There is no question that he was a superstar and millions mourn his passing. I have heard many great quotes over the last week including this one; "The quickest way to become a legend is to die young." This no doubt is true. The estates Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley has generated more money with the stars being dead than when they were alive. History will repeat itself and the same will occur with Michael Jackson. Thank goodness for his children. The most profound statement I heard is really reflective of the entire life and times of Michael Jackson. The cultural critic, Toure summed it up today on morning television......he pondered aloud....."If the white Michael Jackson saw videos of the black Michael Jackson - would he even know that he was watching himself." What a sad commentary that is painfully true.
It will a tough decision today at lunchtime - Judge Christina or watching the "highly produced, massive orchestrated memorial service." Of course, I can't think of a better way to enjoy an egg salad sandwich and chips served with a side of circus.
When Princess Diana died, I cried for days. I got up early to watch marry Prince Charles and watched with wide-eyed awe. When she died - I got up early with orange juice in hand to watch the funeral and I watched through tear-filled eyes. It only seemed fitting since I watched the beginning (her marriage) of her star rising that I should also watch as she, the sometimes troubled star, be laid to rest. I remember it as if it was yesterday and I also remembered being physically exhausted after weeks of watching and crying.
And here is another troubled star being laid to rest. I am exhausted but it comes from the 24-7 coverage of his life, his troubles, his yet to be determined legacy and yet I have cried zero tears. There is no question that he was a superstar and millions mourn his passing. I have heard many great quotes over the last week including this one; "The quickest way to become a legend is to die young." This no doubt is true. The estates Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley has generated more money with the stars being dead than when they were alive. History will repeat itself and the same will occur with Michael Jackson. Thank goodness for his children. The most profound statement I heard is really reflective of the entire life and times of Michael Jackson. The cultural critic, Toure summed it up today on morning television......he pondered aloud....."If the white Michael Jackson saw videos of the black Michael Jackson - would he even know that he was watching himself." What a sad commentary that is painfully true.
It will a tough decision today at lunchtime - Judge Christina or watching the "highly produced, massive orchestrated memorial service." Of course, I can't think of a better way to enjoy an egg salad sandwich and chips served with a side of circus.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Which Michael Jackson song was Michael Jackson?!?!?!?
I admit that I was shocked when I heard that Michael Jackson had died. I thought it was a joke actually since Farrah had just died, but as soon as his death was confirmed - the dead jokes started - the confirmation that death of a celebrity has occurred....sad, but a true sign of the times and yet - I laughed at a couple.
So let's review the years of Michael Jackson - oh wait - we have been exposed to the non-stop Michael Jackson infomercial since late on Thursday - and you would have thought that Pope John Paul II had died. I'm just saying....ok back to Jackson.....I am old-school Jackson up through the 1984 - where is was just beginning to change to a white man. Beyond that - he was just a freak of nature and yet when you hear his friends talk about him - they say he was genuine friend. My husband thinks that he just needed someone normal in his life to tell him to "Snap the h*ll out of it!!!" Even his music turned freaky - in my opinion - when the mask appeared - his music disappeared.
I still have my Thriller cassette (which still works in my car - hey it is paid for), but what I really wish is that I still had my 45 of ABC.....now that would be worth some cash.
The funny thing is that my kids never knew Michael was anything, but a crazy white man who slept with little boys and I never think of him other than a black man - I could see beyond the dimpled chin, cartoon nose, and bleached skin.
My son wrote on his face book that he was confused how a proud African American man could die as a frail Asian woman?!?!?! You know what - a good point to ponder.
So what song would he be??? It's obvious - "Black and White." This is probably to safest bet since it spans the old school fans like me (black Jackson) and the younger fans who favor his recent music (white Jackson).
Okay I am done with the whole Michael Jackson thing because now Papa Joe Jackson has appeared all dapper with the media - now it has turned into a circus....I'm just saying.
So let's review the years of Michael Jackson - oh wait - we have been exposed to the non-stop Michael Jackson infomercial since late on Thursday - and you would have thought that Pope John Paul II had died. I'm just saying....ok back to Jackson.....I am old-school Jackson up through the 1984 - where is was just beginning to change to a white man. Beyond that - he was just a freak of nature and yet when you hear his friends talk about him - they say he was genuine friend. My husband thinks that he just needed someone normal in his life to tell him to "Snap the h*ll out of it!!!" Even his music turned freaky - in my opinion - when the mask appeared - his music disappeared.
I still have my Thriller cassette (which still works in my car - hey it is paid for), but what I really wish is that I still had my 45 of ABC.....now that would be worth some cash.
The funny thing is that my kids never knew Michael was anything, but a crazy white man who slept with little boys and I never think of him other than a black man - I could see beyond the dimpled chin, cartoon nose, and bleached skin.
My son wrote on his face book that he was confused how a proud African American man could die as a frail Asian woman?!?!?! You know what - a good point to ponder.
So what song would he be??? It's obvious - "Black and White." This is probably to safest bet since it spans the old school fans like me (black Jackson) and the younger fans who favor his recent music (white Jackson).
Okay I am done with the whole Michael Jackson thing because now Papa Joe Jackson has appeared all dapper with the media - now it has turned into a circus....I'm just saying.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Bangers and Mash with a serving of British News
I have to admit that I love reading the British news - I read it everyday...sometimes two or more times a day. The Brits just seem to have a better handle on the news - in my opinion. Their media coverage doesn't seem to have the layers of political and social correctness that has paralyzed the US media. They cover the good, bad and the ugly and it if is ugly - they say so. The only thing that seems to be off limits is Prince William....they go after his dad and his brother on a regular basis, but William still seems to have a free press pass. That's ok with me as I think he is one of the good guys; although, poor chap is losing his hair at such an early age. Of course with all the palaces, palace jewels, titled properties and worldly freebies.....one can over look the the bald spot. Maybe the next thing will be royal hair plugs......its just a thought. Okay I digress. The Brits call out their politicians and hound them when there is controversy and stay on the story until they resign under public pressure. When did the US decide that was no longer necessary???? Why are we, the US media and readers, so concerned about swaddling people and their feelings??? I think that we need to be tougher journalists and we, the readers, should demand tougher journalists. Quite frankly I am tired of reading the rose colored news.......if it is ugly - call it ugly. Of course, if for any reason Prince William comes to the US - please refer to the British Handbook of Etiquette.....as this is a level of journalism that we are not schooled nor do we have any experience!!!!! By the way - I have a tiara if that helps me secure a royal press pass. Next, adopting British phrases and traditions which will be quicker than you can say "Bob's your uncle" while passing me a serving of bangers and mash followed by a serving of spotted dick. What?!?!?!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Writer's Block, Brats, and Hormones
I think that I have encountered writer's block......I am beginning to think that it is the lack of estrogen. How do other writers move pass the block??? Well, the good writers drank to excess or were heavily medicated with illegal drugs........do I have those options? Uh, no.....I could drink but don't want to; could take drugs since I have prescriptions, but I believe that might lead to a destructive pattern. So what do I do???? I could write about politics - so many issues - so little time. And don't get me started on the Obama infomerical that will be occurring on ABC. I could write about the crazy rabbit woman that got arrested again in Oregon - what the heck. Is she the next Cruella De'ville and raising them for fur coats or she is a whack job?!?!?! I am going with the latter. I could write about the fact that I wanted Chinese food tonight and when I called to order - no one picked up.....what the heck. I have never known a Chinese restaurant to go out of business - they usually only move - they never close. I could write about how I am addicted to Farm Town on Facebook - I love planting crops and selling them. I could write about how I love to write and I wish I could do it full time - just need someone to pay me for it.....hello....anyone listening on this one??? I could write about how I have found the perfect Texas house that currently happens to be out of our price range....oh I do love this house. I could write about how I want to live to Colorado full time, in the mountains and raise buffalo.....yes that is one of the things that I want to do. I could write about how instead of Chinese food tonight - we are having brats.
So does this mean that I have gotten over my block since I am writing?!?!?!? Hhhhmmmm - that is a point to ponder. I think that I am back,but just in case - I am gong to Walmart to see if I can find some estrogen and progesterone cream that I can rub into my skin. - just in case it is the hormones. Got a run - I need to eat my brat.
So does this mean that I have gotten over my block since I am writing?!?!?!? Hhhhmmmm - that is a point to ponder. I think that I am back,but just in case - I am gong to Walmart to see if I can find some estrogen and progesterone cream that I can rub into my skin. - just in case it is the hormones. Got a run - I need to eat my brat.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
"Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!!!"
OK - I know that I have been off-line for about a week and for that I apologize. I have heard from many of you and I wanted to say thanks for missing the blog....that means a lot to me!!!! OK so quick sidebar about the surgery.....last Thursday. As I was getting prepped for surgery, Dr. Fine told me that we were waiting for a different anesthesiologist as mine had been out riding his bike earlier in the day and he fell off his bike and broke his hip. And he was 4 waiting rooms down from me getting prepped for surgery at the same time that I was...this is why I don't exercise - it can kill ya. But Dr. Walker was a great replacement as I found out that he was born in Topeka and went to college in Kansas. With great anticipation, I was hoping for KSU, but no - he went to KU. I told him that I wouldn't hold that against him since red and blue bleeds purple... not sure that he thought it as funny as I did. I also understand people strange things as they are going under and I was told that I proudly professed that I could speak Polish......uh.....I know about 4 words......uuummmm....who knows where that came from?!?!?!? Surgery was the best possible outcome that I/we could have hoped for although it lasted about 2 hours longer than anticipated, but I had the best surgeons tending to me. Thanks to all the doctors and nurses who tended to me - I appreciate all that you have done for me since the first surgery in January to this one last week. I owe my life to all of you and that is not said half-hearted - that is a statement.
Okay so on with my blog.........when Chris and I were in our 30's we decided if we are going to have children - now was the time. And one there, I ate my way through the 9 months as I was eating for two. Step away from my Spaghettio's. We knew that when we went to the hospital we were coming home with this brand new blob called a baby. It eats, poops, cries and sleeps and the cycle continues with regularity about every 4 hours and I got little sleep. But at some point I started the baby talk. My vocabulary consisted of baa-baa, gaa-gaa, goo-goo with a little doo-doo thrown in. My friends daring one another to appear on an episode of Fear Factor, invited me out for dinner or drinks. My friends did that - once. And not again until after the first birthday and here is why.....I show up with burp stains and a diaper rag hanging out of my purse, surely no one noticed - but they did. I tried to explain, but when I started talking - a slightly distorted Betty Bop voice punctuated with goos and gaas came out. My friends sat there staring at me helpless. They didn't know what to do for me. Should they order me a shot of whiskey with a breast milk chaser??? Or did they dare allow themselves to reply with baas and boos??? They opted for the first choice -hold the breast milk. I thanked them. They call this Maternity Leave. I came to realize that even when I was around adults I talked like a "mommy" - for several years. And might I add during the those years, you also lose your identity. I become Mason's Mom or Grayson' Mom - not - Donna. I don't think that most parents knew my name until each of my kids entered the 4th grade. I did the same - it was once less thing that I had to remember or commit to. [Shoulder Shrug] You know how it goes.
And in a flash I have entered my 40's.....things begin to shift. My kids talk like adults, they get adult references and winks and I begin to say a prayer of thanks daily to the person or persons who invented under wire bras and Spanx becuase those areas began to shift as well. Also something unique to the 40's.... Cougar Leave.
Yes, I am on Cougar Leave. I went to hospital and I came home with nothing except a lot of staples and a lot of stories of hormone replacement therapy - pros and cons. Here is where Maternity Leave and Cougar Leave differ. I have not found myself without sleep - in fact - I am taking naps whenever I need. Instead of talking baby talk, I am having fairly deep conversations with Tim (our dog). He is quite agreeable and only disputes my point of view when it conflicts with going out or dinner time. Tim is very versed on national and international politics as well as up-to-date with state and local issues - which means most of the time we see eye-to-eye!!!! And my clothes, spotless and fashionable.
As my son and husband colorfully described my surgery - I thought my mom was going to pee her pants and I about fell off the gurney - laughing - they described it like this: "In your 20's and 30's, your vagina goes Vvvrrroooommm, Vvvrrrooommm. In your 40's, your vagina goes Hhhooowww" (the sound is a cross between the sound a balloon makes went it is deflating and a hybrid car running.) Although my race is currently under caution.... watch out Danica Patrick with your gasoline, needs to be refilled, vvvrrrooommm-engine because the next time I hear them say "Gentlemen, start your engines", you can bet I will be revving my hhhooowww, goes further and longer on a tank, hybrid-engine at the starting line!!!!
Okay so on with my blog.........when Chris and I were in our 30's we decided if we are going to have children - now was the time. And one there, I ate my way through the 9 months as I was eating for two. Step away from my Spaghettio's. We knew that when we went to the hospital we were coming home with this brand new blob called a baby. It eats, poops, cries and sleeps and the cycle continues with regularity about every 4 hours and I got little sleep. But at some point I started the baby talk. My vocabulary consisted of baa-baa, gaa-gaa, goo-goo with a little doo-doo thrown in. My friends daring one another to appear on an episode of Fear Factor, invited me out for dinner or drinks. My friends did that - once. And not again until after the first birthday and here is why.....I show up with burp stains and a diaper rag hanging out of my purse, surely no one noticed - but they did. I tried to explain, but when I started talking - a slightly distorted Betty Bop voice punctuated with goos and gaas came out. My friends sat there staring at me helpless. They didn't know what to do for me. Should they order me a shot of whiskey with a breast milk chaser??? Or did they dare allow themselves to reply with baas and boos??? They opted for the first choice -hold the breast milk. I thanked them. They call this Maternity Leave. I came to realize that even when I was around adults I talked like a "mommy" - for several years. And might I add during the those years, you also lose your identity. I become Mason's Mom or Grayson' Mom - not - Donna. I don't think that most parents knew my name until each of my kids entered the 4th grade. I did the same - it was once less thing that I had to remember or commit to. [Shoulder Shrug] You know how it goes.
And in a flash I have entered my 40's.....things begin to shift. My kids talk like adults, they get adult references and winks and I begin to say a prayer of thanks daily to the person or persons who invented under wire bras and Spanx becuase those areas began to shift as well. Also something unique to the 40's.... Cougar Leave.
Yes, I am on Cougar Leave. I went to hospital and I came home with nothing except a lot of staples and a lot of stories of hormone replacement therapy - pros and cons. Here is where Maternity Leave and Cougar Leave differ. I have not found myself without sleep - in fact - I am taking naps whenever I need. Instead of talking baby talk, I am having fairly deep conversations with Tim (our dog). He is quite agreeable and only disputes my point of view when it conflicts with going out or dinner time. Tim is very versed on national and international politics as well as up-to-date with state and local issues - which means most of the time we see eye-to-eye!!!! And my clothes, spotless and fashionable.
As my son and husband colorfully described my surgery - I thought my mom was going to pee her pants and I about fell off the gurney - laughing - they described it like this: "In your 20's and 30's, your vagina goes Vvvrrroooommm, Vvvrrrooommm. In your 40's, your vagina goes Hhhooowww" (the sound is a cross between the sound a balloon makes went it is deflating and a hybrid car running.) Although my race is currently under caution.... watch out Danica Patrick with your gasoline, needs to be refilled, vvvrrrooommm-engine because the next time I hear them say "Gentlemen, start your engines", you can bet I will be revving my hhhooowww, goes further and longer on a tank, hybrid-engine at the starting line!!!!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Jon & Kate, OctoMel, OctoMom, and Cristal Taylor
They all have one thing in common.....in my opinion - their 15 minutes of fame is over so , "GET OFF MY TV." All of them, of free will, have decided to parade their lives in front of us - lets recap: a slightly bonkers actor who is a big fan of Mr. Jack Daniel and Mr. Johnny Walker who has decided to get his girlfriend pregnant; two slightly bonkers women who had the need to see who could cram the most number of children in a space built for one; and a slightly bonkers woman who has a history of being a grifter who dated and got engaged to an NBA player, but she happens to forget that she has outstanding warrants in two state, and gets arrested at his home during the playoffs and finds out she is knocked up upon entering prison. Oh my lord - I am so over their "woe is me mentality." REALLY?!?!? The woe is mine.....and yet we are so drawn to the drama like a month to a flame.....why?!?!?! I think it's because we somehow need to validate, through their woes, that our life just may not be that bad. It is a sad commentary that we have become a society of voyeurs - it is true and I am am one of them. But what makes me more sad, in this era of electronic media, is these stories will never die and how horrible for the children. This is who really suffers - this crazy crap will be around until all these kids are well into their 80's and will reappear with little or no notice when a media outlet needs to boost sales or ratings. And the absolute most horrible thing about all of this - these kids didn't have a choice - these kids became meal tickets for their parents. For Jon and Kate - all the freebies. Hair transplants, tummy tucks, vacations, million dollar house all at the courtesy of TV viewers - getting something for nothing. For OctoMel - I am sure that the movie scripts will becoming his way with a bit more frequency as the due date of his 8th baby nears. For the OctoMom - already on state assistance when she gets pregnant with 8 - a cycle that will perpetuate itself with her children getting something for nothing. And Cristal Taylor who through her selfish behavior will give birth in prison and will never work a day again in her life because she will commit her life to raising her child which will require her not to work. And she will need to bring up the child in an environment to which she has become accustomed.
So as much as I rant, my husband rants or my kids rant - my four loads of laundry, my bedroom that has a family of dusty bunnies living under the bed, and a double car garage that only parks one (we are getting ready to have a garage sale) somehow doesn't seem quite so bad after watching their lives crumpled before me on TV. I really do care, but shut-up, deal with the situation you created, and get off my TV - I am trying to watch America's Next Top Model - Season 1 and you keep interrupting.
So as much as I rant, my husband rants or my kids rant - my four loads of laundry, my bedroom that has a family of dusty bunnies living under the bed, and a double car garage that only parks one (we are getting ready to have a garage sale) somehow doesn't seem quite so bad after watching their lives crumpled before me on TV. I really do care, but shut-up, deal with the situation you created, and get off my TV - I am trying to watch America's Next Top Model - Season 1 and you keep interrupting.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Chesty Puller and Eleanor Duncan
I grew up with the tradition of visiting graves on Memorial Day with my Grandma Duncan. The entourage that usually accompanied my Grandma were my sister, my mom, an aunt or two and trunk load of flowers cut from my Grandma's backyard It was an all day trip to graves in Ft. Riley, Leonardville, Riley and Linn. I hated Memorial Day because when all my friends were at the opening weekend of the city pool or at the lake - I was sweating in the back seat listening to AM radio cracking and popping while my grandma drove down a gravel road with the windows down. Neither my dad nor my grandma thought it necessary to purchase a car with air conditioning until much later in their life.....couldn't break off the extra bucks for something so fancy....what would the relatives think?!?!?
I can clearly remember flags on each veteran's grave, flowers, old men and women meandering in and around the graves.......I couldn't even wrap my brain around why all of these people were just hanging about. My philosophy then was get in and get out....drop the flowers, pull a few weeds, exchange a few pleasantries with others also there. This is where my philosophy severely collided with my Grandma Duncan - Eleanor. Eleanor's goal was to provide a thorough family history of the particular individual, what part they played for our country and family and how and when they died. This soliloquy played out like a Shakespearean play at every tombstone and cemetery. At some point, I would see her mouth moving and yet I never heard a word she uttered. My thoughts were far away diving and jumping in and out of the pool and the smell of baby oil lightly scenting the air. MISSY! Did you hear what I said? Huh? And without the slightest - I said "NO." Again it was one of those moments that you realize that your outside voice was saying exactly what your inside voice was suppose to keep quiet. And that was the only time that I can ever recall telling Grandma that I wasn't listening. As it was followed by a swift swat to my rear from my mom and the scariest stink eye that a grandma could give you. AND THEN...........the story started over with the same enthusiasm and clarity as if the the events had only unfolded yesterday. It was here and then that I determined that I would be cremated so not to have to inflict the same drudgery to my children and their children on each and every Memorial Day.
On this Memorial Day over 500 miles away from those cemeteries, I find myself taking down my flag before sunset and pausing to give a silent thanks to those who have gone before us in the name of God and Country. And to those who served proudly and are still with us, those presently serving, and to those of you in the future who will serve. It seems so trite to say thank-you, but it is offered from the heart. And although I still want to be cremated, I would give anything to spend one more Memorial Day with my Grandma Duncan visiting graves, dropping off flowers and listening with the finest tuned ear to every noun, verb and adjective that came out of her mouth. Grandma, thank-you and I will see you in July. It is me who leaves little stones on your tombstone. And "Good night Chesty, wherever you are!!!"
I can clearly remember flags on each veteran's grave, flowers, old men and women meandering in and around the graves.......I couldn't even wrap my brain around why all of these people were just hanging about. My philosophy then was get in and get out....drop the flowers, pull a few weeds, exchange a few pleasantries with others also there. This is where my philosophy severely collided with my Grandma Duncan - Eleanor. Eleanor's goal was to provide a thorough family history of the particular individual, what part they played for our country and family and how and when they died. This soliloquy played out like a Shakespearean play at every tombstone and cemetery. At some point, I would see her mouth moving and yet I never heard a word she uttered. My thoughts were far away diving and jumping in and out of the pool and the smell of baby oil lightly scenting the air. MISSY! Did you hear what I said? Huh? And without the slightest - I said "NO." Again it was one of those moments that you realize that your outside voice was saying exactly what your inside voice was suppose to keep quiet. And that was the only time that I can ever recall telling Grandma that I wasn't listening. As it was followed by a swift swat to my rear from my mom and the scariest stink eye that a grandma could give you. AND THEN...........the story started over with the same enthusiasm and clarity as if the the events had only unfolded yesterday. It was here and then that I determined that I would be cremated so not to have to inflict the same drudgery to my children and their children on each and every Memorial Day.
On this Memorial Day over 500 miles away from those cemeteries, I find myself taking down my flag before sunset and pausing to give a silent thanks to those who have gone before us in the name of God and Country. And to those who served proudly and are still with us, those presently serving, and to those of you in the future who will serve. It seems so trite to say thank-you, but it is offered from the heart. And although I still want to be cremated, I would give anything to spend one more Memorial Day with my Grandma Duncan visiting graves, dropping off flowers and listening with the finest tuned ear to every noun, verb and adjective that came out of her mouth. Grandma, thank-you and I will see you in July. It is me who leaves little stones on your tombstone. And "Good night Chesty, wherever you are!!!"
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Let Me Put My Glasses On...Oh, Now I Can See The Fashion
Fashion. A word that either instills a great fear in 50% of the women on the earth or brings the other 50% to euphoric levels. I happen to be in the first 50%. I have always been blue jean, sweatshirt and boots kinda of girl, but I was born to a first level fashionista (my mom) who gave birth to a second fashionista (my sister) - they fall in the latter 50% of the population. The first and second level fashionista's (FLF and SLF, respectively) tried hard as they could to make me more fashion forward as I was growing - they would get excited about going to the fabric store spending what felt like hours pouring over pattern books and looking at bolt after bolt of material......and there I would be in the back with my head down on the McCall's pattern book yawning and complaining. This scenario would repeat itself with precision almost weekly. Don't get me wrong - I was able to dress up periodically for the occasional family wedding or graduation ceremony, but everyday?!?!?! I was content with t-shirts and earth shoes. Even in college, I wore overalls and long underwear shirts - I was comfortable; however, my sister had other ideas. She finally cornered me and said, "Donna, you are a junior and you look like a farmer." And in the next breath, she says, "And you don't even wear makeup!!!" And all along - I thought I had it together - oh - how wrong I was and that was just Manhattan, Kansas. Phase One of incorporating fashion into my life.
Jump forward a couple of years and I land in Dallas, Texas - the land of the beautiful, always dressed women. I worked with women who kept logs in their closet of the items of clothes that they had worn from day to day as so not to wear the same thing within the same month. Oh heavens, I was just trying not to wear the same thing in the same week. And silly me - I really only thought that you needed 3 pairs of pumps: black, blue and brown. The women I worked with matched the nails to their shoes to their outfits - everyday - and I didn't even wear lipstick. These became known as the peripheral fashionistas (PF) who have invaded my life and brought on Phase Two of incorporating fashion into my life.
Take another leap forward about 11 years and Phase Three of incorporating fashion into my life - I give birth to a baby daughter. Everyone says that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and it really holds true except in one area.......you guessed it....fashion. She has become the third level fashionista (TLF) who blesses my life. This girl can change her clothes as many as five times a day, she loves shoes, purses, hair accessories.....in short anything fashion - she loves it. It is all cyclical and I prefer lounge pants, hair pulled back in a ponytail, flip flops these days and I am quite content. Which does serve me well with the TLF.....so like a noteworthy royal I have good blood lines. I can call on the FLF when the TLF "needs" to shop. The FLF steps in with giddy anticipation. They speak of things that make my head spin like Linda Blair in the Exorcist.....trying on clothes and malls. I would rather spork my brain out. The FLF and the TLF went shopping over the weekend for a 5th grade graduation dress and where gone about 4 hours and they came home with a great dress with the perfect shoes. Neither could have been more happy than if they would have been angels playing harps and drinking honey. Thanks, mom - you do make my life easier (especially since my son is a fashionista as well)!!!!
I can be fashion challenged - I am not too proud to say it aloud. And yes - I admit that I have to ask the TLF which shoes look better with my outfit. Go ahead-do the math. A 48 year old asking an 11 year old for fashion advice....not a pretty picture, but she is always right for which I am thankful. After living in Dallas for 24 years - a little bit of fashion does rub off on you.
Truth be told - there is one area of fashion that I don't spare the expense. Eyeglasses. The most recent pair came in delightful blue box marked Tiffany's. It was a decadent purchase for which I don't apologize. One would deduce that I have entered Phase Four of incorporating fashion into my life. Does that mean that I have become a mindful luxury immersed fashionista - a MLIF?!?!?! Oh wait - that might be something completely different......Anne Wintour eat your heart out.
Jump forward a couple of years and I land in Dallas, Texas - the land of the beautiful, always dressed women. I worked with women who kept logs in their closet of the items of clothes that they had worn from day to day as so not to wear the same thing within the same month. Oh heavens, I was just trying not to wear the same thing in the same week. And silly me - I really only thought that you needed 3 pairs of pumps: black, blue and brown. The women I worked with matched the nails to their shoes to their outfits - everyday - and I didn't even wear lipstick. These became known as the peripheral fashionistas (PF) who have invaded my life and brought on Phase Two of incorporating fashion into my life.
Take another leap forward about 11 years and Phase Three of incorporating fashion into my life - I give birth to a baby daughter. Everyone says that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and it really holds true except in one area.......you guessed it....fashion. She has become the third level fashionista (TLF) who blesses my life. This girl can change her clothes as many as five times a day, she loves shoes, purses, hair accessories.....in short anything fashion - she loves it. It is all cyclical and I prefer lounge pants, hair pulled back in a ponytail, flip flops these days and I am quite content. Which does serve me well with the TLF.....so like a noteworthy royal I have good blood lines. I can call on the FLF when the TLF "needs" to shop. The FLF steps in with giddy anticipation. They speak of things that make my head spin like Linda Blair in the Exorcist.....trying on clothes and malls. I would rather spork my brain out. The FLF and the TLF went shopping over the weekend for a 5th grade graduation dress and where gone about 4 hours and they came home with a great dress with the perfect shoes. Neither could have been more happy than if they would have been angels playing harps and drinking honey. Thanks, mom - you do make my life easier (especially since my son is a fashionista as well)!!!!
I can be fashion challenged - I am not too proud to say it aloud. And yes - I admit that I have to ask the TLF which shoes look better with my outfit. Go ahead-do the math. A 48 year old asking an 11 year old for fashion advice....not a pretty picture, but she is always right for which I am thankful. After living in Dallas for 24 years - a little bit of fashion does rub off on you.
Truth be told - there is one area of fashion that I don't spare the expense. Eyeglasses. The most recent pair came in delightful blue box marked Tiffany's. It was a decadent purchase for which I don't apologize. One would deduce that I have entered Phase Four of incorporating fashion into my life. Does that mean that I have become a mindful luxury immersed fashionista - a MLIF?!?!?! Oh wait - that might be something completely different......Anne Wintour eat your heart out.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Give Me The Flying Monkeys Anyday
I grew up in the age of no movie rentals, no DVD purchases and quite frankly I can remember when we got a color TV, which was a huge deal even though we only got three channel, but I digress. The point that I wanted to make is that you had to wait from year to year for certain shows to air on TV. Once year you got to see The Wizard of Oz which always seemed to air around Thanksgiving, The Sound of Music - December, and Chitty, Chitty Bang-Bang in October. And here is where I want to make my point. I love the movie Chitty, Chitty Bang-Bang (CCBB) I love the car, and I love to sing the songs. However, there is a part of the movie that I HATE and to this day it gives me the creeps. It is the "Child Catcher" - the one who smells out the children and then captures them and sends them to the underground caves to live. He had that long nose that allowed him to smell the kids, that pale makeup that made him appear that he never really saw the light of day, long black hair, a top hat with flowers on it and a net so big that could lift a shark out of the ocean with it. Ooohhh - it makes me shudder and makes the hair on my body stand-up. Someone must have been strung out on crack and booze when they decided what the child catcher should look like in this film. Holy cow, I will take the flying monkeys any day. After watching CCBB - it would take me about 4 days and nights before I could shake the child catcher much to my sister's disdain. Being a year younger she took great pride in the fact that he didn't seem to bother her that much. I know that you are probably saying to yourself, "Donna, why not stop watching the movie if it bothers you that much?" And I would reply, "Because it only came on once a year." Fast forward to 2009. You find that you regret the minute that it leaves your mouth - when you mentioned to your 17 year old son that the child catcher gives you the creeps. And being the caring, loving son that he is - it has now become his wall paper on his computer and he added "Hi Donna" in black and red letters. Oh and did I mention that he will periodically pull the clip from the internet and play it for me. A what nice son and what a wonderful thing the internet is. [Insert Sarcasm Here]
I went out on the internet to see who portrayed the Child Catcher. An actor named Robert Helpmann who out of character and without makeup still looks that if he turned around quickly he would instantly be in character. He was made a Sir in the British Empire and by all accounts was recognized as a great actor from Australia. However, when he died The Times in London wrote he was "...strange, haunting, and rather frightening." I feel somehow that my fear justified especially when the The Times was scared of him also.
Did I mention that I think that the Burger King "King" creeps me out as well????
I went out on the internet to see who portrayed the Child Catcher. An actor named Robert Helpmann who out of character and without makeup still looks that if he turned around quickly he would instantly be in character. He was made a Sir in the British Empire and by all accounts was recognized as a great actor from Australia. However, when he died The Times in London wrote he was "...strange, haunting, and rather frightening." I feel somehow that my fear justified especially when the The Times was scared of him also.
Did I mention that I think that the Burger King "King" creeps me out as well????
Friday, May 15, 2009
Earning the Girl Scout Badge - Part II
PART II:
1. Don't waste your money on the colonic - it is an easy way to lose weight, but you have to be committed - I mean really committed. You will not leave your house for a good 8 hours - heck - you might not even leave a 40 foot area. And there better be a bathroom within that 40 feet....enough said.
2. Corn is the same...enough said on that.
3. I lost 4 pounds total, but gained a huge appreciation for soft 4-ply tissue...enough said
To confirm, I did earn the girl scout colonoscopy badge and passed with flying colors. Now if I can just find time to earn the "Underwater Basket Weaving" badge.
1. Don't waste your money on the colonic - it is an easy way to lose weight, but you have to be committed - I mean really committed. You will not leave your house for a good 8 hours - heck - you might not even leave a 40 foot area. And there better be a bathroom within that 40 feet....enough said.
2. Corn is the same...enough said on that.
3. I lost 4 pounds total, but gained a huge appreciation for soft 4-ply tissue...enough said
To confirm, I did earn the girl scout colonoscopy badge and passed with flying colors. Now if I can just find time to earn the "Underwater Basket Weaving" badge.
Bubbie, Baby Milo, and Six Cents: got to love a nickname - I do!!!
Do you ever wonder how get their nicknames? I must admit that I do. I also admit that I read the obits everyday - I know that sounds morbid - but I love to see how people lived their lives, but more so I love to see people's nicknames. There are always the "Bill" for William; "Patti" for Patricia; "Donnie" for Donald; "Ken" for Kenneth; "Cathy" for Catherine and I get those nicknames. The nicknames that have always confused me are "Peg" for Margaret; "Ted" for Edward; "Dick" for Richard - who thought of those - they don't even make sense?!?!?! If someone knows the history behind those - let me know - I would love to mark this off my list of things to periodically ponder. Now let's talk about great nicknames of the recently dearly departed that have appeared in the obits - may you rest in peace. Drum roll, please and in no particular order:
- Chicken
- Snookie
- Tweetie Bird
- Curly
- Butta
- Toots
- Chilie
- Light-Brown
- Beanie
- T-Bone
- S-Girl
- Topsy
- Double
- Dodo
- Topsy
My dad's best friend is called Fish (Gene) and my dad is Bollweevil or Uncle Piney (Don). My sister was called Grub until she figured out it was a worm that lived in the ground and threw a major temper tantrum. After that she was called Sonie (Sondra). My cousin dated a girl called Six Cents (Penny Ann Nickle). My step-sister is called Doone (Lori). Me????? Well, my dad has always called me Missy - and to this day still addresses envelopes and packages to Missy - I love it. The other nicknames that I have had are slightly more obvious - DP and DJ. And now my kids call me Flipper.
I know that most people shudder when you find out their nicknames - I am just the opposite - I find that giving or getting a nickname is sign of endearment and life would be just a bit less colorful without Boogs, Sqweeb, and The Boy. And for the record.....for about 6-12 months (in high school) I was anointed Zero by the little brother of my first boyfriend.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Vitamin D, Dancing Trees, and Dog Spit
How often are you still? No - not sleeping still, but really still.....outside and using all of your senses to take it all in? I too have to admit that it has been awhile since I went outdoors and was still. Today I remedied that. The sun came out and I decided to be still in my backyard. It was an amazing 30 minutes. First, the sun played a game of hide and seek with the clouds and it warmed me - not too hot - but just right - a nice way to absorb a good dose of vitamin D. And while I lay there on the trampoline, there was a concert of sounds surrounding me. I heard birds chirping and I heard birds squawking, I heard several planes overheard - one heading north and a few minutes later - one heading south. And if I was very still I could hear Tim (our dog) breathing next to me. Being a particularly windy day there were times the wind blew so gently that my hair caressed my face and it tickled. And other times it was so gusty that I could hear it rumbling through my ears.
And while adjusting my sunglasses during a fervent gust, the weeping willow appeared to be doing "the dance of a thousand veils" each branch swaying to and fro as if choreographed just for me and just as quick the wind changed directions and the magnolia tree bellowed back with its thick shiny leaves asking for attention. Beautiful, giant, white, bowl-sized blooms presented themselves to me with head swirling aroma. These are trees in my backyard that I see everyday; however, I usually don't see them like I saw them today.
The sounds of nature were serenading me into a peaceful level of unconsciousness....I was strolling on the sand, the sea mist spraying me in the face while the ocean cooled my feet - picture it if you can. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM....my peace was interrupted with a barrage of bass resonating from the neighbor's car radio. And within an instant, I began to process that the sea mist spraying my face was really sweat rolling down my face and the ocean cooling my feet was Tim licking my feet. So much for my serenity of being still with my senses.
If you find that you have 30 minutes to spare - think about being still in your own backyard; however, you probably should set aside another 15 minutes because you will need to shower off the sweat and dog spit. ~Donna~
And while adjusting my sunglasses during a fervent gust, the weeping willow appeared to be doing "the dance of a thousand veils" each branch swaying to and fro as if choreographed just for me and just as quick the wind changed directions and the magnolia tree bellowed back with its thick shiny leaves asking for attention. Beautiful, giant, white, bowl-sized blooms presented themselves to me with head swirling aroma. These are trees in my backyard that I see everyday; however, I usually don't see them like I saw them today.
The sounds of nature were serenading me into a peaceful level of unconsciousness....I was strolling on the sand, the sea mist spraying me in the face while the ocean cooled my feet - picture it if you can. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM....my peace was interrupted with a barrage of bass resonating from the neighbor's car radio. And within an instant, I began to process that the sea mist spraying my face was really sweat rolling down my face and the ocean cooling my feet was Tim licking my feet. So much for my serenity of being still with my senses.
If you find that you have 30 minutes to spare - think about being still in your own backyard; however, you probably should set aside another 15 minutes because you will need to shower off the sweat and dog spit. ~Donna~
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Earning a Girl Scout Badge
I feel like I am getting ready to earn a girl scout badge. No, I am not going to build a bird house out of toothpicks or learn how to build a fire with only foil and a stick. No - I am doing something that is much more intense with explosive results........I am going to have a colonoscopy on Thursday - YEAH!!! Ok - insert (maybe a bad choice of words) all jokes here and go ahead and sing the Roto-Rooter song. (Which once you do - it will be stuck in your head all day. Go ahead try it....don't say I didn't warn you). You know everyone has a story about having "one" done and how bad the prep work is.....really.....how bad can it be drinking clear liquids for a day laced with laxatives?!?!? Of course, my doctor did say today that I should stay close to home while using the "prep" - what a nice word. I am going to re-name this process to "POO-BE-GONE" (echo, echo, echo) or the medical acronym PBG.
So here is my plan for this scientific adventure of PBG:
1. I will be taking my weight first thing in the morning for a benchmark. The goal is to tell you afterwards if an over-the-counter colonic is really worth your disposable cash for that upcoming reunion or wedding that you want to attend.
2. DISCLAIMER -for those of you with a weak stomach - don't read and go to number 3. They always say that corn does not digest and that it comes out looking the same as it went in....I am having corn tonight find out if this is fact or fiction. After this I may become Michael Newman - who firmly believes that nothing good comes out of eating corn and that in the end it will kill you.
3. Record my weight loss throughout the day.
I know that this not a typical topic of conversation, but if you can't talk about poo amongst friends; what can you talk about it?!?! I will keep you posted - I just hope I am worthy of the badge!!!!
So here is my plan for this scientific adventure of PBG:
1. I will be taking my weight first thing in the morning for a benchmark. The goal is to tell you afterwards if an over-the-counter colonic is really worth your disposable cash for that upcoming reunion or wedding that you want to attend.
2. DISCLAIMER -for those of you with a weak stomach - don't read and go to number 3. They always say that corn does not digest and that it comes out looking the same as it went in....I am having corn tonight find out if this is fact or fiction. After this I may become Michael Newman - who firmly believes that nothing good comes out of eating corn and that in the end it will kill you.
3. Record my weight loss throughout the day.
I know that this not a typical topic of conversation, but if you can't talk about poo amongst friends; what can you talk about it?!?! I will keep you posted - I just hope I am worthy of the badge!!!!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Punch Drunk - Fat Lip
Not sure how this happened, but this morning I woke up with a fat lip. Not the slightly swollen lip, but the kind that you get if you are in a good bar room brawl, nasty chick fight, an allergic reaction to shellfish or a visit to Pam Anderson's cosmetic surgeon - none of which occured this past weekend. I thought something was amiss when I woke up and I could see my upper lip protruding out from underneath my nose, but I wrote it off to not being fully awake. I continued to edge downstairs toward a cup of coffee, and noticed how Tim (our dog) was looking at me. You know the look.....head turned to the side, ears back, thinking to himself - what in the world happened to her?!?!?!. So maybe it was worth a second look - and there it was staring at me in the mirror - a fat upper lip......this is when I started racking my brain. Did I sleep walk and run into the wall??? Did I dream that I was a prize fighter taking on Ali and punch myself in the face??? I cannot for the life of me figure what the heck I might have done that would have caused the fat lip, but it was and is still worthy of an ice pack. All day I have been icing it and it goes down for a while, but remove the ice and WHOOSH just like I blew up a balloon.
Here is where I might need to mention that I have had a difficult time sleeping the last three nights and I have taken an Ambien, to no avail, to help me sleep through the night which has resulted in me being a bit punch drunk due to lack of sleep. I think tonight I will try a glass of wine before I lay my head down and see if that helps. But just in case...if you saw me in a bar room brawl with a chick named Pam Anderson over raw shrimp - could you call me and let me know???? It would answer a few questions for me. Of course one questions still remains - how I got the tattoo that resides lower than my low rise jeans.
Here is where I might need to mention that I have had a difficult time sleeping the last three nights and I have taken an Ambien, to no avail, to help me sleep through the night which has resulted in me being a bit punch drunk due to lack of sleep. I think tonight I will try a glass of wine before I lay my head down and see if that helps. But just in case...if you saw me in a bar room brawl with a chick named Pam Anderson over raw shrimp - could you call me and let me know???? It would answer a few questions for me. Of course one questions still remains - how I got the tattoo that resides lower than my low rise jeans.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
A Muumuu, Caftan, or Bata de Casa by any other name
When I was growing up, I had friends whose moms stayed at home and there seemed to be a "uniform" that they all wore......flat shoes and the house dress. It was the uniform of domesticity and grandmas. It was a time of - kids to school, kids home for lunch, daily laundry, baking cookie and cupcakes, dinner, dishes, kids bathed, bedtime stories and mom always took a bath. Sorry I digress....back to the house dress which is my real focus!!! For those of you who are too young to know the house dress (because everyone my age and older know the house dress) - let me try to paint a visual for you. Loose fitting dress/shift some with elastic around the neck for those moms who where a bit larger or a button front for the more petite moms. The material seemed to be last years lawn chair; although, it was lightweight. This enable mom to work and yet still be "dressed."
Fast forward to the 21 century. The housewives of 2009 are running and gunning with kids, errands, but they are no uniforms, like yesteryear. The uniform now runs the gamut of `uber chic to `uber sloppy even for grandmas. That is until today, when reading the Dallas Morning News I see an advertisement from Dillard's and guess what they are selling?!?!?! You guessed it........The 1960 housewives uniform - the house dress; however, it is no longer called the house dress. It is now called "The Patio Dress." Are you kidding me.........I know a house dress when I see one. A Patio Dress?!?!?...do you only wear it while on the patio.....hhhmmmm......it me see if I can visualize this........"Chris, wait a minute - let me run upstairs and put on my patio dress before we begin sipping our adult beverages on the patio." I shutter to think.
I loved seeing my grandma in her house dress and I didn't even mind seeing Mrs. Black puttering around her in her garden tending weeds bent over in her house dress. AND I understand the notion of fashion trends when everything old is new again, but really......this dress?!?!? I am calling all women who have purchasing power to stand up and boycott the clandestine resurgence of the House Dress. Don't' be fooled ladies it was not pretty or flattering then and it is not now. In my best Scarlett O'Hara voice, "As God is my witness, I shall never be a caught dead in a house dress regardless of my age."
Of course, you will need disregard the pictures of me in the islands - where it is the muumuu and becomes stylish; or the pictures on the promenade deck of the Princess -where it is called the caftan and it stylish ship wear or pictures from Ixpata, Mexico where it called the Bata de Casa and it just sounds stylish.
So as Mother's Day nears don't be fooled - the Patio Dress is just a House Dress wrapped up in a fancy title. ~Donna~
Fast forward to the 21 century. The housewives of 2009 are running and gunning with kids, errands, but they are no uniforms, like yesteryear. The uniform now runs the gamut of `uber chic to `uber sloppy even for grandmas. That is until today, when reading the Dallas Morning News I see an advertisement from Dillard's and guess what they are selling?!?!?! You guessed it........The 1960 housewives uniform - the house dress; however, it is no longer called the house dress. It is now called "The Patio Dress." Are you kidding me.........I know a house dress when I see one. A Patio Dress?!?!?...do you only wear it while on the patio.....hhhmmmm......it me see if I can visualize this........"Chris, wait a minute - let me run upstairs and put on my patio dress before we begin sipping our adult beverages on the patio." I shutter to think.
I loved seeing my grandma in her house dress and I didn't even mind seeing Mrs. Black puttering around her in her garden tending weeds bent over in her house dress. AND I understand the notion of fashion trends when everything old is new again, but really......this dress?!?!? I am calling all women who have purchasing power to stand up and boycott the clandestine resurgence of the House Dress. Don't' be fooled ladies it was not pretty or flattering then and it is not now. In my best Scarlett O'Hara voice, "As God is my witness, I shall never be a caught dead in a house dress regardless of my age."
Of course, you will need disregard the pictures of me in the islands - where it is the muumuu and becomes stylish; or the pictures on the promenade deck of the Princess -where it is called the caftan and it stylish ship wear or pictures from Ixpata, Mexico where it called the Bata de Casa and it just sounds stylish.
So as Mother's Day nears don't be fooled - the Patio Dress is just a House Dress wrapped up in a fancy title. ~Donna~
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Pondering Poe and Panic Attacks
"Through joy and through sorrow, I wrote. Through hunger and through thirst, I wrote. Through good report and through ill report, I wrote. Through sunshine and through moonshine, I wrote. What I wrote it is unnecessary to say." ~Edgar A. Poe~
Do you think that Poe had panic attacks? I have read several versions of Poe's demise....ending with being found in a gutter in France suffering from dellusions. Had modern medicine been available, could Poe have been the poster child for Xanax and gone on to more literary victories??? I wonder. I have always loved the written word and took comfort many an afternoon in the Manhattan Public Library after many junior high days.......always longing to be an author. And yet when I decided to start a blog, I never thought that on the second day that I would have a panic attack. What would be said, who would read this, who would care....oddly enough......much would be said, many would care. I received an email from an old classmate - who thanked me for the blog as she was going through some medical issues and had to have some tests run and didn't feel so alone after reading my blog. I am touched. Along with words of gratitude have come words of caution which have weighed heavily on me. Someone once told me that when it appears that people are against you - you might be wrong or you might be 100% right. I love the written word and this feels right - so like Poe - I will write in times of sorrow and joy; in sunshine and moonshine and through good report and ill report.
Just for today, I will raise a glass of Cognac to honor Poe. ~Donna~
Do you think that Poe had panic attacks? I have read several versions of Poe's demise....ending with being found in a gutter in France suffering from dellusions. Had modern medicine been available, could Poe have been the poster child for Xanax and gone on to more literary victories??? I wonder. I have always loved the written word and took comfort many an afternoon in the Manhattan Public Library after many junior high days.......always longing to be an author. And yet when I decided to start a blog, I never thought that on the second day that I would have a panic attack. What would be said, who would read this, who would care....oddly enough......much would be said, many would care. I received an email from an old classmate - who thanked me for the blog as she was going through some medical issues and had to have some tests run and didn't feel so alone after reading my blog. I am touched. Along with words of gratitude have come words of caution which have weighed heavily on me. Someone once told me that when it appears that people are against you - you might be wrong or you might be 100% right. I love the written word and this feels right - so like Poe - I will write in times of sorrow and joy; in sunshine and moonshine and through good report and ill report.
Just for today, I will raise a glass of Cognac to honor Poe. ~Donna~
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