"Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!!!"

OK - I know that I have been off-line for about a week and for that I apologize. I have heard from many of you and I wanted to say thanks for missing the blog....that means a lot to me!!!! OK so quick sidebar about the surgery.....last Thursday. As I was getting prepped for surgery, Dr. Fine told me that we were waiting for a different anesthesiologist as mine had been out riding his bike earlier in the day and he fell off his bike and broke his hip. And he was 4 waiting rooms down from me getting prepped for surgery at the same time that I was...this is why I don't exercise - it can kill ya. But Dr. Walker was a great replacement as I found out that he was born in Topeka and went to college in Kansas. With great anticipation, I was hoping for KSU, but no - he went to KU. I told him that I wouldn't hold that against him since red and blue bleeds purple... not sure that he thought it as funny as I did. I also understand people strange things as they are going under and I was told that I proudly professed that I could speak Polish......uh.....I know about 4 words......uuummmm....who knows where that came from?!?!?!? Surgery was the best possible outcome that I/we could have hoped for although it lasted about 2 hours longer than anticipated, but I had the best surgeons tending to me. Thanks to all the doctors and nurses who tended to me - I appreciate all that you have done for me since the first surgery in January to this one last week. I owe my life to all of you and that is not said half-hearted - that is a statement.

Okay so on with my blog.........when Chris and I were in our 30's we decided if we are going to have children - now was the time. And one there, I ate my way through the 9 months as I was eating for two. Step away from my Spaghettio's. We knew that when we went to the hospital we were coming home with this brand new blob called a baby. It eats, poops, cries and sleeps and the cycle continues with regularity about every 4 hours and I got little sleep. But at some point I started the baby talk. My vocabulary consisted of baa-baa, gaa-gaa, goo-goo with a little doo-doo thrown in. My friends daring one another to appear on an episode of Fear Factor, invited me out for dinner or drinks. My friends did that - once. And not again until after the first birthday and here is why.....I show up with burp stains and a diaper rag hanging out of my purse, surely no one noticed - but they did. I tried to explain, but when I started talking - a slightly distorted Betty Bop voice punctuated with goos and gaas came out. My friends sat there staring at me helpless. They didn't know what to do for me. Should they order me a shot of whiskey with a breast milk chaser??? Or did they dare allow themselves to reply with baas and boos??? They opted for the first choice -hold the breast milk. I thanked them. They call this Maternity Leave. I came to realize that even when I was around adults I talked like a "mommy" - for several years. And might I add during the those years, you also lose your identity. I become Mason's Mom or Grayson' Mom - not - Donna. I don't think that most parents knew my name until each of my kids entered the 4th grade. I did the same - it was once less thing that I had to remember or commit to. [Shoulder Shrug] You know how it goes.

And in a flash I have entered my 40's.....things begin to shift. My kids talk like adults, they get adult references and winks and I begin to say a prayer of thanks daily to the person or persons who invented under wire bras and Spanx becuase those areas began to shift as well. Also something unique to the 40's.... Cougar Leave.

Yes, I am on Cougar Leave. I went to hospital and I came home with nothing except a lot of staples and a lot of stories of hormone replacement therapy - pros and cons. Here is where Maternity Leave and Cougar Leave differ. I have not found myself without sleep - in fact - I am taking naps whenever I need. Instead of talking baby talk, I am having fairly deep conversations with Tim (our dog). He is quite agreeable and only disputes my point of view when it conflicts with going out or dinner time. Tim is very versed on national and international politics as well as up-to-date with state and local issues - which means most of the time we see eye-to-eye!!!! And my clothes, spotless and fashionable.

As my son and husband colorfully described my surgery - I thought my mom was going to pee her pants and I about fell off the gurney - laughing - they described it like this: "In your 20's and 30's, your vagina goes Vvvrrroooommm, Vvvrrrooommm. In your 40's, your vagina goes Hhhooowww" (the sound is a cross between the sound a balloon makes went it is deflating and a hybrid car running.) Although my race is currently under caution.... watch out Danica Patrick with your gasoline, needs to be refilled, vvvrrrooommm-engine because the next time I hear them say "Gentlemen, start your engines", you can bet I will be revving my hhhooowww, goes further and longer on a tank, hybrid-engine at the starting line!!!!